Chicago Jokes / Recent Jokes

In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car. The nurse asks him, "Charlie, what are you doing?"Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!" The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, "Well Charlie, how are you doing?"Charlie says, "I just got into Chicago"."Great," replied the nurse. The nurse leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room, and finds Bob sitting on his bed furiously masturbating. Shocked, she asks,"Bob, what are you doing?!"Bob says, "I'm screwing Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!"

In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and
sees a patient acting like he's driving a car.
The nurse asks him,
"Charlie, what are you doing?"
Charlie replied,
"Driving to Chicago!"
The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.
The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he
stops driving his imaginary car and asks,
"Well Charlie, how are you doing?"
Charlie says,
"I just got into Chicago"
"Great," replied the nurse. The nurse leaves Charlie's
room and goes across the hall into Bob's room,
and finds Bob sitting on his bed furiously masturbating.
Shocked, she asks, "Bob, what are you doing?!"
Bob says,
"I'm screwing Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!"

In a mental institution, a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient pretending he's driving a car, with his hands at 10 and 2. The nurse asks him, "Charlie! What are you doing?" Charlie replied, "Can't talk right now... I'm driving to Chicago!" The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he suddenly stops driving his imaginary car and she asks, "Well Charlie, how you doing?" Charlie says, "I'm exhausted, I just got into Chicago and I need some rest.""That's great," replied the nurse, "I'm glad you had a safe trip." The nurse leaves Charlie's room, and then goes across the hall into another patients' room, and finds Ed sitting on his bed masturbating vigorously. Very surprised she shouts, "Ed what are you doing!?" To which Ed replies, "Shhh, I'm screwing Charlie's wife, while he's in Chicago.

A Massachusetts funeral home recently took delivery of the first Red Sox casket, which features the team logo on the exterior as well as the inside. The casket is manufactured by Eternal Image of Michigan, which has a licensing agreement with Major League Baseball. The company said that business has been brisk and the caskets are selling well, with the exception of the Chicago Cubs. When asked why, Fred Jones a Chicago resident and long time Cubs supporter said, “Our hopes and dreams for a World Series Champion have already been buried.”

The phone in Rigbys Georgia farmhouse rang one evening. When he answered, the operator said, "This is long distance from Chicago." "I knowed its a long distance from Chicago!" answered the farmer. "How come you called to tell me that?"

Top 10 unpublicized features of Chicago (Windows 4. 0)
Files can still vote for Mayor Daley even after they've been deleted Marketing tie-in: new "Kibbles & 32-bits" dog food New, more-realistic Microsoft Flight Simulator loses your luggage System events accompanied by audio clip of Super Fans saying "da Bearssssss..." (DELETED PENDING OUTCOME OF STACKER LAWSUIT) Automatically taps into bank computers and gives Bill Gates the *rest* of your money For an additional $2. 95 per minute, tech support operators will talk dirty Authentic-looking spilled coffee on "desktop" In order to start Lotus 1-2-3, user must be sitting in lotus position
And the number one unpublicized feature of Chicago...
Strip solitaire

A Chicago man dies and goes to hell.

When he gets there, the devil comes over to welcome him. The devil then says "sometimes it gets pretty uncomfortable down here."

The man says, "No problem. I'm from Chicago."

So the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 100, and the humidity up to 80. He then goes back to the Chicago man to see how he's doing. To the devil's surprise, the man is doing just fine.

"No problem... just like Chicago in June," the man says.

So the devil goes back over to the thermostat, and turns the temperature up to 150, and the humidity up to 90. He then goes back over to see how the Chicago man is doing.

The man is sweating a little, but overall looks comfortable.
"No problem. Just like Chicago in July," the man says.

So now the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 200, and the humidity up to 100. more...