Chips Jokes / Recent Jokes
A blonde walked into a library and said to the librarian, "Can I have some fish and chips please?"
The librarian gave her a funny look and said, " I'm sorry, this is a library."
So the blonde whispers,"Can I have some fish and chips please?"
A bloke walks into a pub and says “Can I have a pie and chips please? ” The barman fetches the food, the guy sits down, eats the chips, puts the pie on his head and walks out. The barman is confused. The next day the same man returns to the pub and orders another pie and chips. The barman serves him his meal, he eats the chips, puts the pie on his head, and walks out. The barman only just resists the temptation to ask him what he’s doing. The following day, the same man returns to the pub and orders another pie and chips. The barman says “Sorry, we’re out of pies today, but you can have a pasty and chips if you want…. ” The man accepts the pasty and chips, sits down and eats the chips, and then puts the pasty in his head. He’s just about to walk out, when the barman collars him and asks “Oi, mate, why have you got that pasty on your head? ” The man replies “Well you haven’t got any pies….. ”
People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The
trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat
(the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation (the
liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet).
Consequently, people tend to cheat of their diets, or quit
after 3 days. Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle
Diet.
Over the years you may have noticed that most two year olds
are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to
all in this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor
before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing
him afterwards. Good Luck! !!
DAY ONE Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast
with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers;
dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear
the jelly over your face and clothes.
Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips,
and a glass more...
Here is a story about a famous food critic's recent visit to Europe last summer. He had a delightful time sampling the cusine in Italy, France and Germany, but he made the mistake of stopping off in London on the way home.
Needless to say, he found English food bland and overcooked. However, one day he had a great meal of fish & chips at a London pub. He asked the manager of the pub if he could have the recipe for the fish and chips.
The manager confessed that he bought his fish and chips from a nearby monestary, and so our critic would have to get the recipe from one of the brothers.
So he quickly ran down the street to the monestary and knocked on the door. When one of the brothers came to the door, he asked him if he were the "Fish Friar."
The brother repiled, "Nope, I'm the Chip Monk!"
A blonde walks into a restaraunt and asks for fish and chips. When she sees the fries on her plate she says "I asked for chips, not fries!"
Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbles across a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, she's just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she had ever tasted.
After dinner, she went into the kitchen to thank the chefs. She was met by two of the Brothers. The first one says, "Hello, I am Brother Michael, and this is Brother Charles."
"I'm very pleased to meet you," replies the nun. I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I've ever had! Out of curiosity, who cooked what?"
Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar."
She turned to the other Brother and said, "Then you must be...?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so--I am the chip monk."