Chop Jokes / Recent Jokes

A grandmother is giving a party for her young granddaughter and has gone all out by hiring a caterer and a clown. Just before the party starts, two derelicts show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for them, the woman tells them that she will give them a meal if they will chop some wood out back.
Grateful for the offer, they head to the rear of the house. The guests arrive and all is going well with the children having a wonderful time. Unfortunately, the clown hasn't shown up and eventually calls to say he's stuck in traffic and probably won't be able to make it to the party after all. Disappointed, the woman unsuccessfully attempts to entertain the children herself.
She just happens to look out the window and notices one of the derelicts doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does mid-air flips, and leaps high in the air.
She calls the other derelict over and says, ""What your friend is doing is absolutely more...

A little guy is sitting at a counter eating breakfast. A big guy walks in and hits the little guy.

"That's a judo chop from Japan," he says, and then walks into the bathroom. The little guy gets up and sits back down to finish his breakfast. The big guy comes back out of the bathroom and hits the little guy again.

"That's a karate chop from Korea," he says. The little guy gets up and leaves the diner. The big guy sits down and orders breakfast.

As he starts to eat, the little guy comes running back through the door and knocks the big guy out. He looks at the waitress and says, "When he wakes up, tell him that was a tire iron from Sears."

A Tallahassee area mortician had a new apprentice who was learning the
embalming ropes. He walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was
lying on the table.
Thinking he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his boss,
he began examining the body. He rolled it over and to his amazement
there was a cork in its ass. Mystified, he pulled it out, and
immediately heard, the Florida State Chop song come out the guys butt.
Startled by what had happened, he shoved the cork back into the
cadaver and ran up the stairs to find his mentor. "Sir, you've got to
come down and help me, I've just seen something I can't believe."
Annoyed by the naivet of his assistant, he said OK and followed him
downstairs. "There, look at the cork in the ass of that body, I
couldn't imagine what it was doing there so I pulled it out. Please
you do it."
The mortician was a bit surprised to see the cork, too, so he walked
to the more...