Christ Jokes / Recent Jokes

The preschoolers' Sunday school teacher told them that she wanted each of them to learn one fact about Jesus by the following Sunday. The next Sunday, she asked each of them what they had learned.
"I learned that he was born in a manger," said Julie.
Timmy said, "I learned that he threw the money changers out of the temple."
"What about you, Johnny? What did you learn?" the teacher asked.
"He has a pick-up truck and he doesn't know how to drive," replied Little Johnny.
Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny?"
"I learned it from Daddy," Little Johnny explained. "When we were driving down the highway, a pick-up truck cut right in front of us and Daddy shouted, "Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive!"

The pre-schoolers' Sunday School teacher was concerned that they may be a little confused about Jesus Christ due to the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. Wanting to make sure they understood that His birth occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc., the teacher asked her class, "Where is Jesus today?"
William raised his hand and said, "He's in Heaven."
The teacher called on Sally and she replied, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny waved his hand furiously and, before waiting to be called on, blurted out, "I know, I know. He's in our bathroom!"
The class suddenly became very quite and looked to the teacher for a response. The teacher, completely at a loss for a few moments, gathered her wits and asked Johnny how he had come to such a conclusion.
"Well," Johnny explained, "every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and shouts, "Jesus Christ, are you still in there?"

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Johnny raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."
And Robert, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"
Ths whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response.
The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Robert how he knew this and Robert said, "Well... Every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"

A Sunday school teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that he grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven!"
Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart!"
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!"
The whole class went very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
Little Johnny replied, "Well, every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells: 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'"

Grandma writes:
The other day I went to the local religious book store where I saw a "Honk if you really love Jesus" bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car and I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed.
I was stopped at the light of a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots of people who love Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must really love the Lord because pretty soon he leaned out his window and yelled, "Jesus Christ!" as loud as he could.
Why, it was like a football game with him shouting, "Go, Jesus Christ, Go!"
Everyone else started honking too, so I leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all those loving people. There must have been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach, and I saw him more...

An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.
She decided she would take her lunch, sit with the workers and talk with them.
She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating. She walked up to the group and with a big smile asked, "Do you men know Jesus Christ?"
They shook their heads, shrugged and looked at each other dumb founded. One of the workers looked up into the steelwork and yelled, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"
One of the steelworkers asked why.
The worker yelled, "His wife is here with his lunch."

The story of the Bible (possibly offensive to Christians)Date: 3rd May 0023
TO:
Messrs Matthew, Mark, Luke & John (Publishers).
13a Sandy Wasteland Square,
Just Next to the Pizza Hut,
Judea.
Dear Sirs,
It is Mr. Christ's understanding that you are planning to write and publish a biography of him in the near future. Such a biography would, he is sure you would realise, be entirely unauthorised and if it were published in the form you suggest he would be forced to take the matter up with the highest authority.
However he can fully understand your wish to write about his life and will sanction such a project a number of conditions:
That the title of the book be' The Holy Bible' and not as you propose,' Hot and Salty - Our Sexy Savior's Saucy Story'.
That you do not mention the name of his natural Father (Elvin Roxenby-Toke) who, for legal reasons, contests paternity. He suggest you utilise the' virgin birth' scenario. Mr. Christ realises more...