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If you messed up your life, you could press "Alt, Ctrl, Delete" and start all over!To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!If you needed a break from life, click on "suspend".Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.To "add/remove" someone in your life, click settings and control panel.To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.When you lose your car keys, click on "find".We could click on "send" and the kids would go to bed immediately.To feel like a new person, click on "refresh".Click on "close" to shut up the kids and spouse.To undo a mistake, click on "back".If you don't like cleaning the litter box, click on "delete".
The Top 10 Good Error Messages On The Brand New $7000 Computer You Just Bought
& & 1. "That URL was not found because frankly, I didn` try hard enough."
& & 2. "If you continue to type that way, you`ll get Carpal Tunnel Syndrome."
& & 3. "The Server is not really down, its just mildly depressed."
& & 4. "Normally, I would complain but I`ll let that rough disk insertion slide this time."
& & 5. "Don`t worry, I`ll clean up that beer stain."
& & 6. "Its not a virus... its a STD(System Transmitted Disease)."
& & 7. "Remember Einstein, its point then click, point then click."
& & 8. "That General Protection Fault is not yours."
& & 9. "You`re using MS Word 5. 0 and that`s a weenie version so why don`t I upgrade you for free?"
& 10. "I hate to tell you this but you have already seen that version of the Pamela Anderson video... may I suggest more...
REDMOND, Wash. - April 1, 1995 - Microsoft today announced the release
of Joe-Bob(tm), a new software package that the company hopes will open up
a huge untapped computer market. With the motto "The software for the rest
of y'all(tm)," Joe-Bob reaches out to the same demographic group that buys
4x4s, supports the gun lobby, and drinks Miller Lite.
"Computers have been commonly seen as for leftists and intellectuals,"
explains Microsoft spokesperson Willy Maclean, "but we've recently seen
people like Newt Gingrinch embracing new technology - the time is right
for the rest of America to get wired!"
Instead of a desktop or office metaphor, Joe-Bob(tm) puts the user in a
garage. "Click on the Lynyrd Skynyrd tapes, and get a complete music library
in digital stereo. Click on the pinups, and get hooked up to the Internet's
hottest gifs," the promotional materials explain.
The package does not include more...
Customer: "You''ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won''t boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there''s a sticker saying there''s an Intel inside."
Tech Support: "Just call us back if there''s a problem. We''re open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button."
Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse."
Customer: "Excuse me can I use this disk? It has a hole in it.
Tech Support: "Do you have 3 1/2 inch diskettes?"
Customer: "No, I only have 3 of them."
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: more...
REDMOND, Wash. - April 10, 1995 - Microsoft today announced the release of Joe-Bob(tm), a new software package that the company hopes will open up a huge untapped computer market. With the motto "The software for the rest of y'all(tm)," Joe-Bob reaches out to the same demographic group that buys 4x4s, supports the gun lobby, and drinks Miller Lite.
"Computers have been commonly seen as for leftists and intellectuals," explains Microsoft spokesperson Willy Maclean, "but we've recently seen people like Newt Gingrinch embracing new technology - the time is right for the rest of America to get wired!"
Instead of a desktop or office metaphor, Joe-Bob(tm) puts the user in a garage. "Click on the Lynyrd Skynyrd tapes, and get a complete music library in digital stereo. Click on the pinups, and get hooked up to the Internet's hottest gifs," the promotional materials explain.
The package does not include a word processor or spreadsheet, but more...
Here are some conversations that actually happened between help desk people and their customers.
Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button."
Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse."
Customer: "Excuse me can I use this disk? It has a hole in it.
Tech Support: "Do you have 3 1/2 inch diskettes?"
Customer: "No, I only have 3 of them."
Tech more...