Condom Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q. What have a woman and a condom got in common.
A. They both spend too much time in your wallet and not enough time on your dick!

Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of fucking his wife. Johnny's father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little Johnny asked curiously "What ya doin' dad?" His father qiuckly replied "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed.", to which Little Johnny replied "What ya gonna do, fuck him?"

What does a camera and a condom have in common? They both capture that magic moment.

A couple is travelling on a long distance overnight flight. Everyone is slowly drifting off. The flight attendants have served the last round of coffee and drinks, dimmed the cabin lights, and are resting. The couple carefully check over their fellow passengers. Finally, everyone appears to be asleep. One at a time, they furtively make their way to the bathroom at the rear of the cabin. Before closing the door, the last one in has a quick glance back over the cabin to make sure they haven't been spotted. There's rustling of clothes as they prepare themselves and get comfortable:
"Ready, dear?"
"Yes, darling."
"Oh, good! You remembered the condom."
"Quick, let's get it on and get started."
A little more rustling, then:
"Aaahhh!"
"Oohhhh!"
Suddenly, the intercom comes to life:
"This is your Captain speaking."
"To the two people in the toilet - we know exactly what you're up more...

The most embarrassing thing I ever did. In third grade I found a used condom in the woods and brought it to school for show-and-tell:
"Every year about this time, the snakes shed their skins...."

The head nun at the convent says, "I found a pair of men's underwear under my desk!"
Twenty nuns gasp, but one nun goes "Heh, heh, heh..."
She says, "And I found a used condom on my desk!"
Twenty nuns gasp, but one nun goes "Heh, heh, heh..."
She says, "And there was a huge tear in the condom!"
One nun gasps, but twenty nuns go, "Heh, heh, heh."

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Maude: What in the hell is that?
Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Maude: Where did you get it?
Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a BRISTOL."
The pharmacist fainted.