Congratulations Jokes / Recent Jokes
"Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your Wife." "How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?" "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After
having met you, I've changed my mind." "I must admit, you brought Religion into my life. I never believed in
Hell til I met you." "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to
ruin it for me." If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister." As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me.
Like the need for therapy..." Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would you like to
take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again." "Someday I hope to get married, but not to you." Happy Birthday! You look great for your age... Almost Lifelike! When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that
we've more...
"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder:... What was I thinking?"
"Congratulations on your wedding day!... Too bad no one likes your wife."
"How could two people as beautiful you... have such an ugly
baby?"
"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love... After having met you, I've changed my mind."
"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life... I never
believed in Hell until I met you."
"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... that you're not
here to ruin it for me."
"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."
"Thanks for being a part of my life!!!... I never knew what evil was before this!"
"Before you go,... I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."
"Someday I hope to get married... more...
A man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed:"Come and bury my wife.""But I buried your wife ten years ago," replied the undertaker."I got married again," the man sobbed."Oh," said the undertaker. "Congratulations."
Cards You Will Never See In Hallmark
"Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."
"How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?"
"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."
"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell til I met you."
"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What was I thinking?"
"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."
"If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."
"As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."
"Thanks for being a part of my life!!! I never knew what evil was before more...
A man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed:"Come and bury my wife." "But I buried your wife ten years ago," replied the undertaker." I got married again," the man sobbed." Oh," said the undertaker. "Congratulations."
"Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." "How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?" "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind." "I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell til I met you." "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What was I thinking?" "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me." "If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister." "As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..." "Thanks for being a part of my life!!! I never knew what evil was before this!" "Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would like to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again." more...
A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand.
Just when he thinks things can't possibly get any better, Saint Peter himself runs over, apologizes for not greeting him personally at the pearly gates, shakes his hand and says, "Congratulations son, we've been waiting a long time for you!"
Totally confused and a little embarrassed, the attorney sheepishly looks at Saint Peter and says, "Saint Peter, I tried to lead a God fearing life, I loved my family, I tried to obey the 10 Commandments but congratulations for what? I honestly don't remember doing anything really special when I was alive."
"Congratulations for what?!" exclaims Saint Peter, totally amazed at the man's modesty. "We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 more...