Contagious Jokes / Recent Jokes

A teacher is instructing her fourth grade class, and she's telling them that the word of the day is 'contagious.' She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several students raise their hands. "Carl," she says. Carl says, "My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps 'cause they're contagious." "Very good," says the teacher. Then she picks Suzie, who says, "The atmosphere was contagious." The teacher says, "Excellent, Suzie!" Then she notices that little Johnny has his hand up at the back of the class. "Yes, Johnny?" Johnny says, "The other day, me and my dad's a-sittin' around, and we saw our blonde neighbor painting her fence. She had a tiny little model car paintbrush, and she was going in tiny little strokes up and down the fence, and my dad says to me, 'Jesus, it's gonna take that cunt ages to finish that fence.'"

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During World War II, twice as many fighter pilots were killed during training than combat
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In 1962 an outbreak of contagious laughter in Tanganyika lasted for six months and caused schools to be closed
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A nautical mile measures 6,080 feet while a land or statute mile is 5,280 feet
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No one can drown in the Dead Sea. It is 25 percent salt, which makes the water very heavy
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Plants watered with warm water grow larger and more quickly than plants watered with cold water
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Earth's oceans contain 7 1/2 million tons of gold, dissolved in the water
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Children who are breastfed tend to have an I.Q. seven points higher than children who are not.
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The bird flu virus could evolve into a form that is easily spread between people, resulting in a highly contagious and lethal disease.
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The Chinese, in olden days, used marijuana only as a remedy for dysentery.
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If you are right handed, you will tend more...

A teacher is instructing her fourth grade class, and she's telling them that the word of the day is 'contagious.' She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several students raise their hands. "Carl," she says. Carl says, "My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps, 'cause they're contagious." "Very good," says the teacher. Then she picks Suzie, who says, "The atmosphere was contagious." The teacher says, "Excellent, Suzie!" Then she notices that little Johnny has his hand up at the back of the class. "Yes, Johnny?"she says. Johnny replies, "The other day, me and my dad's a-sittin' around, and we saw our blonde neighbor painting her fence. She had a tiny little model car paintbrush, and she was going in tiny little strokes up and down the fence, and my dad says to me, 'Jesus, it's gonna take that cunt ages to finish that fence.'"

A teacher tells her class the new word for the day is Contagious, she asks the class if they could explain what the word means. She asks Joe if he can explain what the word means and he says, "My Mom says to stay away from kids with chicken pox because they are contagious." The teacher says, "That is very good Joe." Then she picks Suzie, who says, "The atmosphere was Contagious." And the teacher says, "Excellent Suzie." Then she notices that little Johnny has his hand up at the back of the class, "Yes Johnny," she says. Johnny says, "The other day me and my Dad were sitting around and we saw our blonde neighbor painting her fence. She had a tiny little brush you use to paint model cars, and she was going in tiny little stokes up and down the fence." My Dad says to me, "Jesus, its gonna take that cunt ages to finish that fence."

teacher says to class," l want you to put contagious in a sentance ".mary puts her hand up and the teacher nods mary says "my little brother had measles and mom said you may catch them because they are contagious ".very good the teacher says, bobby puts his hand up and replies "mumps can also be contagious ", teacher says well done so not to be out done liitle johnny pipes up " me and dad where driving down the road when a truck loaded full of watermellons drove past and just as it passed it blew a tyre and rolled and dad turned to johnny and said thatll take that contagious to pick them up