Contagious Jokes / Recent Jokes

A third grade teacher asks her students to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence.
Cathy stands up and says, "Last summer I had the mumps and my mother said it was contagious."
"Very good, Cathy," the teacher says. "Does anyone else have a sentence?"
Julie, a sweet little girl in the front row, stands up and says, "My grandmother says there's a bug going around and it's contagious."
"Excellent, Julie," says the teacher, as she looks around the class and sees Little Johnny waving his hand impatiently. "Yes, Little Johnny, do you have a sentence?"
Little Johnny quickly jumps up and says, "The lady next door was painting her porch with a one inch brush and my dad said it would take the contagious."

A teacher is instructing her fourth grade class, and she's telling them that the word of the day is' contagious.' She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several students raise their hands.
"Carl," she says.
Carl says, "My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps' cause they're contagious."
"Very good," says the teacher.
Then she picks Suzie, who says, "The atmosphere was contagious."
The teacher says, "Excellent, Suzie!"
Then she notices that little Johnny has his hand up at the back of the class. "Yes, Johnny?"
Johnny says, "The other day, me and my dad's a-sittin' around, and we saw our blonde neighbor painting her fence. She had a tiny little model car paintbrush, and she was going in tiny little strokes up and down the fence, and my dad says to me,' Jesus, it's gonna take that cunt ages to finish that fence.'"

Little Leroy was starting his first day of third grade and the lesson for
that day was to form sentences using Ebonics. The teacher would give each
student a word and they would have to use it in a sentence.
"Leroy?"
"Yea Ms. Johnson"
"Your word is contagious"
"Contagious?"
"Yes Leroy."
Leroy thought long and hard, and finally a sentence came to mind. "Well?",
Miss Johnson said.
Leroy replied "Evry time my mama gets olda, her contagious."

Teacher asks her class to use the word' contagious'.

Roland the class swot, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my Mum said it was contagious."

"Well done, Roland" says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."

"Well done, Katie" says the teacher.

"Anyone else?" Little Irish Shaun jumps up and says in a broad Irish
voice, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two-inch brush and my Dad says it will take the contagious"......

A Teacher asks her class to use the word “contagious. ” Roland the class swat, gets up and says, “Last year I got the measles and my Mum said it was contagious. ” “Well done, Roland, ” says the teacher. “Can anyone else try? ” Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, “My grandma says there’s a bug going round, and it’s contagious. ” “Well done, Katie” says the teacher. “Anyone else? ” Little Irish Johnny jumps up and says, “Our next door neighbor is painting his house with a two-inch brush and my Dad says it will take the contagious. ”

The teacher tells the class to put the word contagious into a sentence for homework.
The next day the teacher asks Mary to say her sentence to the class. She says " There are diseases in Africa that are very contagious". The teacher tells her that was very good. The teacher asks Brendan to tell his sentence to the class. He says "My granny has a very contagious disease". The teacher tells him that was a good sentence. Then the teacher asks Johnny to tell his sentence to the class. He says " My mammy told me never to ask daddy to cut the lawn because it takes the cunt ages".

Q: Why is yawning contagious?
A: People yawn when the pressure between their ears is different from that of the outside pressure. The yawning pops the ears and thus balances the inside and outside pressure. Because of the balancing there is a perceptible drop or increase in the surrounding room pressure. And if at this moment there is another person present in the vicinity of the yawning person, this change in room pressure will cause him to yawn to balance his in-between-ear pressure to that of the room pressure. Thus the cycle goes on till the inside-ear-pressure of all the persons and that of the room pressure is equal. But since every time someone yawns, there is a change in room pressure causing some one else to yawn, the cycle never ends... UNLESS all the people in the room yawn at the same time. Since the probability of all the people yawning at the same time is very low, the yawning goes on and on, leading us to believe that yawning is contagious.