Cousin Jokes / Recent Jokes
This was a practical joke my cousins came up with for a good laugh.
There just happened to be six of us together with nothing to do. So we got the phone book, picked out a number at random, and the first person dialed.
When the person answered, my cousin asked for a random name - let's say, Harold.
"No Harold here", came the answer.
"Are you sure there's no Harold there?" she insisted.
"Positive."
The stage was set.
About half an hour later, another cousin called the same number and asked for Harold.
Same reply.
Over the course of two hours, three more of us called the same number, asking for the same Harold, while this poor man on the other line had to tell each of us the same thing, and getting more and more frustrated each time. (Of course, since he assumed we were totally unrelated in any way, he wasn't blowing over or anything.)
Finally, I called about an hour later.
"Hi, this is Harold. Did I get any more...
A New York boy was being led through the swamps of Louisiana by his cousin. "Is it true that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight? "
The cousin smirked and replied, "Depends on how fast you carry the flashlight."
MacAndrews was visiting his Irish cousin, O'Bannon. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there on afternoon, his cousin walked by. "What are ye doing?" asked O'Bannon. "Fishin'," said MacAndrews. "Caught anything?" "Ach, nae a bite," "What are ye usin' fer bait?" "Worms" "Let me see it," said O'Bannon. MacAndrews lifted the line from the water and handed it to his cousin. O'Bannon took out his flask of potcheen and dipped the worm in it. He handed it back to MacAndrews, who cast his line once more. As soon as the worm hit the water, his rod bent over double, the line screaming out. "Have ye got a bite?" asked O'Bannon. "No!" shouted MacAndrews, fighting with the rod, "The worm's got a salmon by the throat!"
Hi y'all...muh name id's Bubba and dis is muh fameily:
Furst is me... Mom said I got all the good looks and no brains. I love being a babe hound. Girls make spit roll down my chin. I have a stomach problem and fart alot.
My Mom has lots of boyfriends. One of them has a job. She says with a little luck I could be a garbage man one day.
My brother Hank is in jail right now. When he gets out he is not allowed to be around animals and kitchen appliances.
My grandmom lives with us in our trailer. Shes smells real bad. She likes to hang out in bars and drink beer. Grandma has sores all over and they leak yellow stuff on the furniture. The flies are terrible.
My mom says she is almost positive this is who my Dad is. He lives in a Federal Penitentiary in Montana. When he gets out in 55 years we are gonna go fishing. The blood stains inside my Dads truck are almost all gone!
My younger sister Jill lost all her teeth. She was licking a egg beater after mom made a cake more...
Hi y'all...muh name id's Bubba and dis is muh fameily:Furst is me... Mom said I got all the good looks and no brains. I love being a babe hound. Girls make spit roll down my chin. I have a stomach problem and fart alot.My Mom has lots of boyfriends. One of them has a job. She says with a little luck I could be a garbage man one day.My brother Hank is in jail right now. When he gets out he is not allowed to be around animals and kitchen appliances.My grandmom lives with us in our trailer. Shes smells real bad. She likes to hang out in bars and drink beer. Grandma has sores all over and they leak yellow stuff on the furniture. The flies are terrible.My mom says she is almost positive this is who my Dad is. He lives in a Federal Penitentiary in Montana. When he gets out in 55 years we are gonna go fishing. The blood stains inside my Dads truck are almost all gone! My younger sister Jill lost all her teeth. She was licking a egg beater after mom made a cake and my cousin Jimmy turned it more...
Tim once took his small cousin with him while he went fishing: When he returned, he was looking very fed up. "I'll never do that again," he complained to his Dad. "Did she frighten off the fish?" enquired Dad. "No," replied Tim. "She sat on the bank and ate all my maggots."
Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family. Here's a listing of some of the lessor known ones...
The grandfather who moved to Yugoslavia... U. Gogh
The brother who bleached all his clothes white .. Hue Gogh
The sister who wore a mini skirt to dance in bars... Go Gogh
The real obnoxious brother... Please Gogh
The brother who ate prunes... Gotta Gogh
The uncle who worked at a convenience store... Stop N Gogh
His dizzy aunt... Verti Gogh
The cousin that moved to Illinois... Chicah Gogh
His magician uncle... Wherediddy Gogh
The cousin who lived in Mexico... Amee Gogh
Another cousin who lived in Mexico... Green Gogh
Nephew that drove a stage coach... Wells Far Gogh
Aunt who was a good dancer... Tan Gogh