Cousin Jokes / Recent Jokes

Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family. Here's a listing of some of the lessor known ones...The grandfather who moved to Yugoslavia... U. GoghThe brother who bleached all his clothes white .. Hue GoghThe sister who wore a mini skirt to dance in bars... Go GoghThe real obnoxious brother... Please GoghThe brother who ate prunes... Gotta GoghThe uncle who worked at a convenience store... Stop N GoghHis dizzy aunt... Verti GoghThe cousin that moved to Illinois... Chicah GoghHis magician uncle... Wherediddy GoghThe cousin who lived in Mexico... Amee GoghAnother cousin who lived in Mexico... Green GoghNephew that drove a stage coach... Wells Far GoghAunt who was a good dancer... Tan Gogh

One day my cousin says, "Oh, I love your hair. Show me how you do it!"
"OK," I reply.
"OK?" my cousin says; "you're not supposed to say OK! You're supposed to have a temper tantrum and scream, 'No! It's MY secret and I'm not going to tell you!' OK?"
"You're just being stupid as usual. Leave me alone."
Little cousins. *SHISH!*
A few weeks later she comes up to me and says, "I like your make-up. Can you show me how to do make-up?"
"You're too young," I reply.
Now she's got the hissy fit going on (AGAIN).
"I am NOT TOO YOUNG! Show me how to do make-up or I'll bite myself than tell Mama you did it like all those other times I said you bit me!" She yells.
I turn around and say, "Too LATE!"
"HUH?!" she says.
She turns around and gets the beat down of her life from her mother. I never saw her until two years later and she still was covered in more...

One day, a genie was in a remarkably good mood, so he decided to go around the world, granting people their fondest wishes.First, he came to London, where he saw a very sad-looking Englishman. He said to the man, "I am a genie. Tell me what you want most, and I will grant it to you."The Englishman said, "My cousin Nigel has the most beautiful mansion you ever saw, but I don't even have a house at all. It's not fair! I'm just as good as he is! Why should HE have such a beautiful house and not me? Well, I want you to give me a house even bigger than Nigel's."The genie snapped his fingers, and the house appeared magically. The Englishman was delighted.Next, the genie went to Paris, where he saw a sad Frenchman. The genie asked the Frenchman what he wanted most. The Frenchman said, "My cousin Pierre has the most beautiful wife you ever saw, but I don't have a wife at all. It's not fair!
Why should HE have a beautiful wife and not me? I want you to give me a more...

After much careful research, it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives.
Among them were:
His obnoxious brother... Please Gogh His dizzy aunt... Verti Gogh The brother who ate prunes... Gotta Gogh The constipated uncle... Cant Gogh The brother who worked at a convenience store... Stopn Gogh The grandfather from Yugoslavia... U Gogh The brother who bleached his clothes white... Hue Gogh The cousin from Illinois... Chica Gogh His magician uncle... Wherediddy Gogh His Italian uncle... Day Gogh His Mexican cousin... Amee Gogh The Mexican cousin's American half brother... Grin Gogh The nephew who drove a stage coach... Wellsfar Gogh The ballroom dancing aunt... Tan Gogh A sister who loved disco... Go Gogh The bird lover uncle... Flamin Gogh His nephew psychoanalyst... E Gogh The fruit loving cousin... Man Gogh An aunt who taught positive thinking... Wayto Gogh The little bouncy nephew... Poe Gogh And his niece who travels the country in a van... more...

After much careful research, it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives.Among them were:His obnoxious brother... Please Gogh His dizzy aunt... Verti Gogh The brother who ate prunes... Gotta Gogh The constipated uncle... Cant Gogh The brother who worked at a convenience store... Stopn Gogh The grandfather from Yugoslavia... U Gogh The brother who bleached his clothes white... Hue Gogh The cousin from Illinois... Chica Gogh His magician uncle... Wherediddy Gogh His Italian uncle... Day Gogh His Mexican cousin... Amee Gogh The Mexican cousin's American half brother... Grin Gogh The nephew who drove a stage coach... Wellsfar Gogh The ballroom dancing aunt... Tan Gogh A sister who loved disco... Go Gogh The bird lover uncle... Flamin Gogh His nephew psychoanalyst... E Gogh The fruit loving cousin... Man Gogh An aunt who taught positive thinking... Wayto Gogh The little bouncy nephew... Poe Gogh And his niece who travels the country in a van... Winnie Bay Gogh

Before AOL group sex meant the risk of STD's. Now you run the risk of getting Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
Before AOL family reunions were needed just to touch base, and the main topic was how Cousin Jed was in jail. Now IM's are used to touch base and they start flying as cousin Jed is TOS'd for soliciting passwords.
Before AOL teens would be embarrassed to go to the local news-stand and pick up a copy of playboy. Now you have to hide the credit cards to keep them from buying "Live Nudies" on the Internet.
Before AOL you sat down and explained to your teen about using condoms. Now you find yourself out buying a spill-proof keyboard.
Before AOL your mother ordered pizza from a paper menu. Now she orders from a "virtual" pizza shop, and gets pissed when the delivery never comes.
Before AOL your husband sent flowers for your B-day, Valentines, etc. Now He shows his affection by sending you roses from a virtual florist, and justifies it by stating, more...

A Texas cowboy got a visit from his cousin who lives in the east.
He thought he would show his city-slicker cousin a local Indian tribe so he could see how they were "one with the land".
The cowboy and his cousin come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. The cowboy stops and says to his cousin, "You see that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the city-slicker.
"Look," says the cowboy, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction!"
Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."
"Incredible!" says the cousin to the cowboy.
"This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. AMAZING!!!"
The Indian looks up and says...
"Ran more...