Covers Jokes / Recent Jokes

VAIN PERSON: One who loves the smell of his own fart
AMBITIOUS: Always ready for a fart
LAZY: Just fizzles
AMIABLE: Likes to smell others' farts
PROUD: Thinks his farts are exceptionally pleasant
SHY: Blushes when he farts silently
CARELESS: Farts in church
SMART ALEC: Farts when ladies are present
CLEVER: Farts and coughs at the same time
SCIENTIFIC: Bottles his farts
STINGY: Belches to save his ass-hole
TIMID: Jumps when he farts
CONCEITED: Thinks he can fart the loudest
UNFORTUNATE: Tries to fart but shits himself
FOOLISH: Suppresses a fart for hours
BEWILDERED: Can't tell his own fart from others
NERVOUS: Stops in the middle of a fart
MISERABLE: Can't fart at all
CONFUSED: Face is so much like an ass, fart can't tell which way
to go
GROUCH: Grumbles when ladies fart
SNEAKY: Farts and blames it on the dog
DISSAPOINTED: Fart doesn't smell
CHILDISH: Farts and then more...

In the Garden of Eden,
As everyone knows,
Lives Adam and Eve without any clothes,
In this garden are two little leaves,
One covers Adams,
And one covers Eves.
Nevertheless to say,
The wind came along and blew those leaves away,
At The sight Adam did stare,
As Eves treasure was all covered in hair,
Wonder came under Eves eyes,
As Adams thing started to rise.
They found a spot that suited them best,
A big ol tree,
Where they began to rest,
Wider and farther her legs did spread,
As thrill after thrill,
Came into her head.
The head of Adams thing,
Peaked into her hole,
And filled her with passion,
Beyond her control,
The joy was good,
She wouldnt let loose,
Till Adams thing was all out of juice.
Now down through the years,
People have screwed,
And now its time for me and you,
So pull down your pants,
And lay in grass,
Cuz Im in the mood for a piece of that ass.

A parish priest calls the Mother Superior into his office and says, "There is something I must show you. Please come into my private room and close the blinds."
"Father!" exclaims the shocked Mother Superior. "What did you say?"
"What I said was... " the priest begins.
"I heard what you said... I just can't believe you're saying it," interrupts the Mother Superior.
"Well, I really need you to come in," the priest says. Curious now, she does as he asks.
"Here now, sit on the bed beside me," he says.
"I must get out of here," the nun replies.
"Aren't you the least bit curious?" asks the priest. She is, so she cautiously sits down beside him.
"Now get under the covers," instructs the priest.
"I can't do that!" she replies.
"But it doesn't work otherwise," the priest says. After much coaxing, she gets under the covers with more...

A parish priest calls the Mother Superior into his office and says, "There is something I must show you. Please come into my private room and close the blinds."
"Father!" exclaims the shocked Mother Superior. "What did you say?"
"What I said was... " the priest begins.
"I heard what you said... I just can't believe you're saying it," interrupts the Mother Superior.
"Well, I really need you to come in," the priest says. Curious now, she does as he asks.
"Here now, sit on the bed beside me," he says.
"I must get out of here," the nun replies.
"Aren't you the least bit curious," asks the priest. She is, so she cautiously sits down beside him.
"Now get under the covers," instructs the priest.
"I can't do that!" she replies.
"But it doesn't work otherwise," the priest says. After much coaxing, she gets under the covers with more...

Compiled by Harold Reynolds and updated on December 6, 1994

1. Introduction

The following is a manual of guidelines for the busy cat(s) who will have a house to manage after adopting one or more humans. It is, of course, impossible to cover all possible situations, as those humans are always up to some sort of mischief, but the compiler and contributors to this guide have endeavoured to cover as wide a variety of topics as possible. It is important that this document be kept out of the hands of humans, who will undoubtedly find a way to use it to their advantage.

2. Food

In order to get the energy to sleep, play, and hamper, a cat must eat. Eating, however, is only half the fun. The other half is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain food: convincing a human you are starving to death and must be fed now; and hunting for it oneself. The following are some guidelines for getting fed.

a) When the humans are eating, make sure more...

A smart man covers his ass, a wise man leaves his pants on.

Cat Lover's Rules:
1. The cat is not allowed in the house.
2. OK, the cat is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3. Ok, the cat is allowed in all rooms, but must stay off the furniture.
4. The cat can get on the old furniture only.
5. Fine, the cat is allowed on all the furniture, but it is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. The cat can sleep on the bed, but not under the covers or on the pillow.
7. OK, The cat can sleep under the covers and on the pillow by invitation only.
8. Well, ok, the cat can sleep under the covers every night and on the pillow too.
9. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the cover with the cat; only the cat can sleep on the pillow.