Crap Jokes / Recent Jokes
There are three guys named Manners, Shutup, and Crap.
They were really bored, so they decided to run a race. During the race, Crap fell down, and Manners stopped to help him. But Shutup ran so fast the police caught him. Here's how the conversation went:
Police Officer #1: "What's your name?"
Shutup: "Shutup."
Police Officer #2: "Where's your manners?"
Shutup: Back there picking up Crap!"
Programming language acronymsADA: A Dumb Arrangement
ADA: A Dumb Acronym
ADA: A Dumb Annoyance
BASIC: Boring And Shamelessly Idiotic Coders
BASIC: Badly Assembled, Severely Illogical Code
BASIC: Beginner`s Algorithms for Seemingly Infinite Confusion
C: Crud
C: Confusing
COBOL: Completly Outdated, Badly Overused Language
COBOL: Completly Overused, Badly Outdated Language
COBOL: Cowards Only Buy Outdated Languages
COBOL: Cowards Only Build Outdated Languages
COBOL: Crap Operated By Obsessed lunatics
COBOL: Crap Often Bothers Our Lethargy
COBOL: Crap Ostracized By Our Loathing
COBOL: Compiles Only Because Of Luck
COBOL: Cumbersome, Overdone, Badly Organized Language
COBOL: Coded Only By Obsessed Lunatics
FORTRAN: Files Only Run Through Right At Never-neverland
LISP: Lots of Insanely Stupid Parentheses
LISP: Lots of Irritating Superfluous more...
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.
"What are those knives doing in your car? Asked the officer.
"I use them in my juggling act," says the juggler.
"Oh yeah?" "Let's see you do it." Says the policeman.
So the man starts tossing and juggling the knives.A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I stopped drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"
Take a Crap First "A jumbo jet is just coming into the Tampa Airport on its final approach.
The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Tampa. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Tampa Bay."
He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The copilot says to the pilot, "Well, skipper, whatcha gonna do in Tampa?"
"Well," says the skipper, more...
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
If at first you don't succeed, don't try again: quit. No use being a complete fool about it.
If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
It doesn't matter what you do; it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
A travelling salesman's car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. He gets out and tries to find something close by - and comes upon a farm. Not believing his luck, he knocks on the door, and a farmer answers.
"Sir," says the salesman. "Could you help me? My car's broken down, and I need a place to stay for the night."
"Sure," says the farmer. "But I only have one bed, and my very, very ugly daughter sleeps there."
"Oh, crap," says the salesman. "I'm in the wrong joke."
There are three guys named Manners, Shutup, and Crap.
They were really bored, so they decided to run a race. During the race, Crap fell down, and Manners stopped to help him. But Shutup ran so fast the police caught him. Here's how the conversation went:
Police Officer #1: "What's your name?"
Shutup: "Shutup."
Police Officer #2: "Where's your manners?"
Shutup: Back there picking up Crap!"
I got this off of another mailing list, and though you do have to be somewhat familiar with Depeche Mode's music in order to fully appreciate this, I thought I would forward it anyway...
-Dan Aeschliman
Statement of Thesis
(sung to the tune of Depeche Mode - Personal Jesus)
Your own statement of thesis
Something to help you write
Something of might
Your own statement of thesis
Something to help you write
Something you'll spite
Feeling depressed
When you take the test
You may just snap
'Cause you just write crap
Don't forget your bluebook
The proctors give you dirty looks
Taking the test
Of issues addressed
Things on your chest
They can't be repressed
I will be prudent
I'm only a student
Reach out and touch page
Reach out and touch page
Your own statement of thesis...
Feeling depressed
When you take the test
You may just snap
'Cause you just write crap
Don't forget your more...