Crap Jokes / Recent Jokes

ADA: A Dumb Arrangement
ADA: A Dumb Acronym
ADA: A Dumb Annoyance

BASIC: Boring And Shamelessly Idiotic Coders
BASIC: Badly Assembled, Severely Illogical Code
BASIC: Beginner's Algorithms for Seemingly Infinite Confusion

C: Crud
C: Confusing

COBOL: Completly Outdated, Badly Overused Language
COBOL: Completly Overused, Badly Outdated Language
COBOL: Cowards Only Buy Outdated Languages
COBOL: Cowards Only Build Outdated Languages
COBOL: Crap Operated By Obsessed lunatics
COBOL: Crap Often Bothers Our Lethargy
COBOL: Crap Ostracized By Our Loathing
COBOL: Compiles Only Because Of Luck
COBOL: Cumbersome, Overdone, Badly Organized Language
COBOL: Coded Only By Obsessed Lunatics

FORTRAN: Files Only Run Through Right At Never-neverland

LISP: Lots of Insanely Stupid Parentheses
LISP: Lots of Irritating Superfluous Parentheses

PASCAL: Programmers Against more...

The first 90% of a project takes 10% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time.If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks more...

The first 90% of project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time.
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking more...

The first 90% of project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time.If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.There will always be beer cans rolling on more...

Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home." Sixty is the worst age to be," announced the 60 year old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!" "Ah, that's nothing," said the 60 year old. "When you're 70, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran - you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out! ""Actually," said the eighty year old, "Eighty is the worst age of all." "Do you have trouble peeing too?", asked the sixty year old." No. .. not really. I pee every morning at 6AM. I pee like a race horse - no problem at all." "Do you have trouble taking a crap?", asked the 70 year old." No, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6: 30." With great exasperation, the 60 year old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at six o'clock and take a more...

One time there where these three people they where at the top of a cliff and where each givien one wish to get off so the burnet jumped off and said I wish I was an eagle and she turned into an eagle. Next the redhead jumped off and said I wish I was a hawk and she turned into one. Then the blonde was running and fell and said crap and turned into a crap.

There were 3 men working on the harbour bridge, all of a sudden the lunch signal rang, so they started to have their lunch. The 3 people were, Chinese, Irish, and an Australian. The Chinese person looked inside his sandwich and said, "Oh CRAP! If I get peanut butter sandwich again from my wife, I am going to jump off the bridge! " the Irish person looked in his sandwich and said, "Oh CRAP! If I get peanut butter and jelly sandwich from my wife again, I will jump off the bridge! " The Australian said, "Oh CRAP! Not Mortadella again, if I get this sandwich again I am going to jump off the bridge! " so the next day the Chinese person looks in his sandwich and says, "Phew, I've got a cheese sandwich! " so he eats it. The Irish person looks in his sandwich and says, "Phew, I've got a vegemite sandwich! " so he eats it. The Australian looked in his sandwich, and he jumped off the bridge. The Irish person said, "I don't understand, he more...