Cream Jokes / Recent Jokes

This fella goes to the doctor and says"Doctor, I've got a rash round my cock, have you got anything for it?" The doctor said" put this on and come back next week if it doesn't work." The bloke comes back the next week and the cream hadn't worked so he tells the doctor and the doctor gives him more cream and tells him to come back next week if it doesn't work. The bloke comes back and the cream still hasn't worked so the doctor says "Drop your pants." The man drops his pants and the doctor has a look and tells him to put another cream on the man then says "Doctor it's worked!! What was that?" The doctor replies "Lipstick remover"

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. 2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda. 3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do. 4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake. 5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner. 6. Movie related foods (Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and no part of one's personal fuel. 7. Cookie pieces contain no calories -- the process of breaking causes calorie leakage. 8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae. 9. Food that have the same color more...

You don't have to put cream in your coffee to make it taste good.
Coffee doesn't complain when you put whipped cream in it.
A cup of coffee looks good in the morning.
You won't fall asleep after a cup of coffee.
You can always warm coffee up.
Coffee comes with endless refills.
Coffee is cheaper.
You won't get arrested for ordering coffee at 3 AM.
Coffee never runs out.
Coffee is out of your system by tomorrow morning.
You can take black coffee home to meet your parents.
You can make coffee as sweet as you want.
You can smoke while drinking coffee.
You can put out a cigarette in a cup of coffee.
Coffee smells and tastes good.
You don't have to put vinegar in your coffee.
If your coffee pot leaks, you can use a regular paper towel.
You can always get fresh coffee.
You can turn the pot on, leave the room, and it'll be hot when you get back.
They sell coffee at police stations.
You can always ditch a bad cup more...

A couple in their nineties is having problems remembering things, so they decide to the go the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they are physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. His wife asks, "Where are you going?"

"To the kitchen," he replies.

She asks, " Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

The husband says, "Sure"

She gently reminds him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"

He says, "No, I can remember that!"

She then says, "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top. You'd better write it down' cause I know you'll forget it."

He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She adds, "I'd also like whipped more...

My blonde sister is a waitress at a hotel. One morning a customer was sitting at the table in the dining area, and said to my sister: "I'd like a cup of coffee, no cream."
My sister went to get the coffee, but after 2 minutes came back to ask, "I'm sorry sir, we are out of cream. Would you want your coffee without milk instead?"

..."Eat This, Not That" has listed the 3 unhealthiest ice cream treats in America as Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup, Baskin Robbins' Oreo Outrageous Sundae, and Cold Stone's Mango-Cocaine Delight.

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"
He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got more...