Cream Jokes / Recent Jokes
A teacher asks her class, " If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot" The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then, Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied " Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which Little Johnny replied, " The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking.
Which flavor ice cream is Draculas favorite? Vein-illa.
By Barbara Florio GrahamFrom McCall's, June, 1983I read every diet I can get my hands on. I even follow their suggestions. But eventually, inevitably, I always get fat again. Now, at last, I've found The Answer. After living for almost 14 years with a man who never gains an ounce no matter what I serve him, I've found out what it is that keeps him thin: He thinks differently. The real difference between fat and thin people is that thin people: avoid eating popcorn in the movies because it gets their hands greasy; split a large combination pizza with three friends; think Oreo cookies are for kids; nibble cashews one at a time; think that doughnuts are indigestible; read books they have to hold with both hands; become so absorbed in a weekend project they forget to have lunch; fill the candy dish on their desks with paper clips; counteract the midafternoon slump with a nap instead of a cinnamon Danish; exchange the deep-fryer they received for Christmas for a clock-radio; lose their more...
Top Ten Things You Don`t Want To Hear From A Guy At Starbucks10. "We ran out of coffee filters, so I`m using one of my old undershirts."9. "Try our triple cappuccino -- It`s a legal alternative to crack."8. "Let me make sure that`s not too hot."7. "You know, I licked every one of these stirrers."6. "One Decaf Venti Skim Latte -- 39 dollars."5. "Sugar with that?"4. "Grande Caramel Macchaito? Talk English!"3. "If I catch any of you people going into a Dunkin` Donuts for coffee, I`ll break your legs!"2. "Some whipped cream for you... and some whipped cream for me."1. "After work, I`m gonna pick up a hooker-uccino."
By Barbara Florio GrahamFrom McCall's, June, 1983I read every diet I can get my hands on. I even follow their suggestions. But eventually, inevitably, I always get fat again. Now, at last, I've found The Answer. After living for almost 14 years with a man who never gains an ounce no matter what I serve him, I've found out what it is that keeps him thin: He thinks differently. The real difference between fat and thin people is that thin people:avoid eating popcorn in the movies because it gets their hands greasy;split a large combination pizza with three friends;think Oreo cookies are for kids;nibble cashews one at a time;think that doughnuts are indigestible;read books they have to hold with both hands;become so absorbed in a weekend project they forget to have lunch;fill the candy dish on their desks with paper clips;counteract the midafternoon slump with a nap instead of a cinnamon Danish;exchange the deep-fryer they received for Christmas for a clock-radio;lose their appetites when more...
I read every diet I can get my hands on. I even follow their suggestions. But eventually, inevitably, I always get fat again. Now, at last, I`ve found The Answer. After living for almost 14 years with a man who never gains an ounce no matter what I serve him, I`ve found out what it is that keeps him thin: He thinks differently. The real difference between fat and thin people is that thin people:
avoid eating popcorn in the movies because it gets their hands greasy;
split a large combination pizza with three friends;
think Oreo cookies are for kids;
nibble cashews one at a time;
think that doughnuts are indigestible;
read books they have to hold with both hands;
become so absorbed in a weekend project they forget to have lunch;
fill the candy dish on their desks with paper clips;
counteract the midafternoon slump with a nap instead of a cinnamon Danish;
exchange the deep-fryer more...
A penguin is driving down the road when his car starts to give him all kinds of trouble... the engine sputters, steam pours out of his hood and there's fluids pouring out on the road. He pulls into a garage and the mechanic tells him it'll be at least a half-hour until he can even tell him what the problem is.
The penguin walks around, has a cup of coffee and then comes across an ice cream shop, where he orders a double vanilla cone, getting it all over his face. He goes back to the garage and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem.
The mechanic looks up and tells him "Looks like you've blown a seal."
The penguin sez "No! Really, I just had an ice cream cone!"