Dat Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ebonics Crimmus Pome

Wuz de nite befo Crimmus An' all ower de hood ereybody wuz' sleepin' Dey wuz sleepin' good

We hunged up our stockings An hoped like de' heck That ol Sanna Clause Be bringin' our check

All o'de fambily Wuz layin in de beds While Ripple and Thunderbird Dance tru' dey heads

I passed out inna' flo Right nex to my Maw When I heard sech a fuss I thunk: "It mus be de law!!!"

I looked out thru de bars What covered my doe' spectin' de sheriff Wif a warrent fo sho

And what did I see I said, "Lawd look at dat!!" Ther' wuz a huge watermellon Pulled by giant warf rats!!

Now ober all de years Santa Clause, he be white But looks liken us bros Gets a black Sanna dis nite

Faster dan a Po'lees car My home boy he came He whupped on dem warf rats An' called dem by name!

On Leroy, on' Lonzo And on Willie Lee On Saphire, on Chenequa Dey wuz a site to more...

Wuz de night befo Crismus
An all ober de hood
Everybody wuz sleepin'
Day wuz sleepin' good.

Everbody wuz sleepin'
all tight in they beds
Whilst Thunderbird Wine
Danced in they heads

I was passed out on de flo
Right next to my Ma
When I heard such a fuss
I thinked "It must be de law!!"

I looked out tru de barz
dat covered my do
Spectin' de sherif
with a warrant fo sho!

Now ober de years
Sanny Claws, he be white.
But it lookin' like us bros
got a black Sanny dis night

Now what I did see
made me say "LAWD Lood at dat!"
It was a huge watermellon cadi
pulled by dwarf rats

Faster than a po-lice car
True de air he came
an whupped up on dem warf rats
an called emm by name.

On Leroy, on Kendrick,
On Jontarious Lee, on Falacious
They was a sight to see

He didn't go down no more...

Thibodaux was driving his car past Beaudreaux's house and saw a sign that read: "BOAT FOR SALE"
Thibodaux marches up to Beaudreaux's front porch and wraps hard on the door and Beaudreaux opens it.
Thibodaux say, "Beaudreaux! How long we ban frands?"
Beaudreaux say, "Well. .. All our lives Thibideaux"
Thibodaux say, "Why don't you told me you gotta boat?"
Beaudreaux say, "I ant gotta boat!"
Thibodaux say, "Da' sign say; "BOAT FOR SALE".
Beaudreaux say, "OH-NO Thibodaux!. .. See dat old' 72 Ford pickem'up truck over-dare"
Thibodaux say, "Yas, I see dat old pickem'up truck"
Beaudreaux say, "See dat' 76 Cheverloet Ce-dan"
Thibodaux say, "yas, I see dat Ce-dan"
Beaudreaux say, "Well, dey boat for sale."

My uncle Jack served in the late 60s on the aircraft carrier USS Ranger, CVA-61, in the Tonkin Gulf off the east coast of Vietnam. Having spent his youth with Ham radio, he became an electronics technician. He came aboard fresh from high school, Basic Training, and the US Navy’s radio repairman’s school.
In the radio shop, as probably elsewhere on the ship, in the Navy, and in military life in general, life is regulated by a strict hierarchy. In small organizational units, where the hierarchy is rather flat, the
pecking order must be decided by some means other than stripe count. In the Ranger’s radio repair shop, the man with the least seniority was assigned to arrive earlier in the morning to make the coffee, so it would be ready by the time the rest of the crew arrived.
The first morning out of port, the chief petty officer was giving him the shop tour, focusing closely on coffee-making procedures.
“Ya see kid, first ya put eight scoops of coffee in da more...

Boudreaux went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself - I'm not hiring that lazy Cajun, so he decided to set a test for Boudreaux hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.
The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
Boudreaux says, "Dat's easy" and proceeds to draw three trees.
The boss says, "What in the world is that?"
Boudreaux says, "Tree' n tree' n tree makes nine."
"Fair enough" says the boss. "Second questions, same rules, but represent 99".
Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree.
"Der ya go sir," he says.
The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
Boudreaux answers, "Each tree is dirty now, so it's dirty tree' n dirty tree' n dirty more...

Ebonics Version of Windows '98 Debuts!
Microsoft has announced that its special Ebonics version of Windows 98, titled "It be a fresh Window." It has been leaked to several suburbs, causing confusion for unsuspecting users.
There are numerous differences between Windows 98 and the Ebonics version.
When opening the Ebonics version, the familiar windows chime is replaced With a "phat getto track that melts 'em down wit dope-ass bass," The opening screen features a Windows logo that is spray painted on a brick wall - along with several gangsta signs, slogans and shout outs.
On the main screen, My Computer is replaced with "Dis My Shit."
The Recycle Bin has been replaced with a Goodwill dumpster.
If users are logged on to a network, the Network Neighborhood is replaced With "Da Hood."
Users have their choice of two animated screen savers: "Marquee," a lil' G spray- painting dirty words that move across the more...

As a midshipman I was assigned to a cruiser one summer. There was a boatswain’s mate, happened to be black, named Johnny Johnson in the first division and he stood watches in-port on the quarterdeck and on the bridge at sea. Some of his announcements on the 1MC (general announcement PA system) were classics -
In port, tied up to a pier in New York City:
“Now sweepahs sweepahs start your brooms. Sweep down all lower decks, ladders, and passageways. Empty all shit cans ovah da fantail. ”
A very pregnant pause
“Delay dat word on shit cans, empty all shit cans on da pier! ”
Another pause, now he’s obviously reading something written by the OOD.
“Delay dat word on shit cans, empty all trash _receptacles_ into the _containers_ provided on the pier. ”
This was a different day but he was piping “general visiting”
“Now all hands rig for genrahl visitin! All hands is reminded to watch der language, we got cunt aboard. ”