Dirty Mouth Jokes / Recent Jokes

7lb. Turkey
2 TBS. Butter
5 grams Heroin
Salt and Pepper to taste
Balloon

Rinse Turkey well and place in roasting pan breast side down. Grease Turkey with butter. Place Heroin in Balloon and shove it into Turkey cavity. Salt and Pepper. Cover and place in oven at 350 for 7 hours or until the balloon busts. Let cool for 30 minutes. Carve and Enjoy!

I visited my brother way out in the Ozarks. I was sitting on his porch at the end of the day looking out west and the sky was red and gold and purple and it was SO amazingly beautiful.

You don't see a sky like that in the big city.

The neighbor's meth lab exploded.

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.

2. Ahh, it's cute.

3. Who circumcised you?

4. Why don't we just cuddle?

5. You know they have surgery to fix that.

6. It's more fun to look at.

7. Make it dance.

8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.

9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?

10. It looks like a night crawler.

11. Wow, and your feet are so big.

12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.

13. It's ok, we'll work around it.

14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?

15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.

16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?

17. Oh no, a flash headache.

18. (giggle and point)

19. Can I be honest with you?

20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.

21. Let me go get my tweezers.

Right wing radio host, Michael Savage, recently said, “You must never elect an overt, pushy lesbian or homosexual to any office... They will only work for their sexual ends. They will not think about national security. They will only think of gay security, gay security, gay security, gay security, gay propaganda, gay propaganda, gay security, gay security.”
He’s got to do something about that stutter.

"You think you know how to fire a prosecutor? You don't know shit about firing prosecutors. They don't call it the Saturday Night Massacre for nothing, my friend. Look it up!"

Stun gun maker Taser will market a smaller, sleeker version for "safety and fashion conscious members of the public."
The new Taser, tentatively referred to as the Cock Blocker 2000, is expected to cut liquor sales at singles bars by over 50 percent and increase submissions to America's Funniest Videos by over 297 percent.

You've heard about the highly competitive behavior of type A personalities, compared to the more laid-back, personality of type Bs.
Well now I hear there is a new label- Type D's. They are people who display constant hostility, anxiety, anger, and depression.
Type D personality? Didn't we used to have a better name for this kind of person? I think the term was "asshole".