Dispenser Jokes / Recent Jokes

by Robert Chen
You should not attempt any these things. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
31. Switch the label on skim milk with the one on whole milk.
32. Yell to someone walking by, "I'll take two hot dogs, and my son will have some peanuts."
33. After getting all your food, sit down. Start arranging your food alphabetically, from left to right. Ask the person next to you whether you should put orange juice under "o" or "j."
34. Bring in a television and VCR. Set it up to play "Faces of Death." Eat avidly as you describe each screen to everyone. Embellish. Don't be afraid to speak while your mouth is full.
35. Get a large container and fill it with milk. Pour its contents into the cereal dispenser. Dispense cereal. Complain about how you always get too much milk.
36. Go up to someone you don't know and say, "Can I toast your buns?"
37. Talk to your food. Tell it to quit more...

Hotel Letters
The following letters were taken from an actual incident between aLondon hotel and one of its guests. The hotel submitted the letters to the London SundayTimes for their humor column....

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Dear Maid,
    Please do not leave any more of those little barsof soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the sixunopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in theshower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman

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Dear Room 635,
    I am not your regular maid. She will be backtomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dishas you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of yourKleenex dispenser in case you more...

Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.
Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".
Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.
Rust problem in engineering causes support failure- one corner
of warp coil now held up by phone book.
Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with "w".
Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.
Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image
from flickering.
Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling
through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.
Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.
Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either
side become too steep for crew to climb.
Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2
people on board.
Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop and the ship is
overcome by ten thousand care bears.
Ship cannot enter warp more...

Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.
Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88."
Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.
Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner of warp coil now held up by phone book.
Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.
Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image from flickering.
Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.
Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.
Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either side become too steep for crew to climb.
Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop: ship is overcome by ten thousand care bears.
Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft macaroni and cheese.
Food dispenser in 10-forward will only serve light beer.
Bug in main computer speech processor: computer voice will either more...

Jokes Difference between boys and girls while using ATM (Bank's cash dispenser machines) Boys: 1. Drive to the bank, park and go to the Cash Dispenser. 2. Insert card 3. Dial code and desired amount 4. Take the cash, the card and the slip Girls: 1. Drive to the bank 2. Engine stalled 3. Check make-up in the mirror 4. Apply perfume 5. Manually check haircut 6. Park the car - failure 7. Park the car - failure 8. Park the car - Success 9. Search for the card in the handbag 10. Insert card, rejected by the machine 11. Throw phone card back in handbag, 12. Look for bank card. 13. Insert Card 14. Look for Secret Box (where secret code is written)in Handbag 15. Enter code 16. Study instructions for 2 minutes 17. #Cancel# 18. Re-enter code 19. #Cancel# 20. Call Boyfriend/husband to get correct the code 21. Enter desired amount 22. #Error# 23. Enter bigger amount 24. #Error# 25. Enter maximum amount 26. Cross fingers 27. Take cash 28. Go back to the car 29. Check make up in rear mirror 30. more...

While I was visiting my sister one evening, I took out a candy dispenser that was shaped like a miniature person. "How does that thing work?" she asked.As I turned the figurine's arm to pop candy out, my sister laughed."I see. .. it's a lot like my husband," she said. "You have to twist his arm to get anything out of him."

While I was visiting my sister one evening, I took out a candy dispenser that was shaped like a miniature person. "How does that thing work?" she asked.
As I turned the figurine's arm to pop candy out, my sister laughed. "I see. .. it's a lot like my husband," she said. "You have to twist his arm to get anything out of him."