Drummers Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Twelve Days After Christmas
The first day after Christmas
My true love and I had a fight
And so I chopped the pear tree down
And burnt it, just for spite
Then with a single cartridge
I shot that blasted partridge
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.
The second day after Christmas
I pulled on the old rubber gloves
And very gently wrung the necks
Of both the turtle doves
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.
On the third day after Christmas
My mother caught the croup
I had to use the three French hens
To make some chicken soup [peop100078_x51.WMF (46812 bytes)]
The four calling birds were a big mistake
For their language was obscene
The five golden rings were completely fake
and turned my fingers green.
The sixth day after Christmas
The six laying geese wouldn't lay
So I sent the whole darn gaggle to the A.S.P.C.A.
On the seventh day, what a mess I more...

A man goes on vacation to a tropical island. As soon as he gets off the plane, he hears drums. He thinks "Wow, this is cool."
He goes to the beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he hears drums, he goes to a luau, he hears drums. He TRIES to go to sleep, he hears drums.
This goes on for several nights, and gets to the point where the guy can't sleep at night because of the drums. Finally, he goes down to the front desk. When he gets there, he asks the manager, "Mister, that's it! Why won't those drummers stop?! I can't get any sleep!" The manager replies, "No! The drums must NEVER stop. It's terrible if the drums stop drumming."
"Why?"
"When drums stop... bass solo begins."

Q: Why do drummers always have trouble entering a room? A: They never know when to come in.

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. They have a machine that does that now.

Q: Why do drummers have a half ounce more brains than horses? A: So they don't disgrace themselves at the parade. Q: How do you know if there is a percussionist at the door? A: The knocking gets slower. Q: How can you tell when there is a drummer at your front door? A: The knocking gets faster. Q: How do you know when a drum solo's really bad? A: The bass player notices. Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in. Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A: A drummer. Q: What do you call a drummer who has just broken up with his girlfriend? A: Homeless. Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins. Q: What did the drummer get on his I. Q. test? A: Drool. If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum.

Q: What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: What does a drummer say when he gets to his paying gig?
A: "Do you want fries with that?"
Q: What do you say to a drummer in a 3-piece suit?
A: "Will the defendant please rise..."
Q: What do you call a drummer who breaks up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
Q: Why do drummers have a half-ounce more brains than horses?
A: So they don't disgrace themselves in the parade.
Q: How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
A: You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground.
Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once.
Q: Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?
A: he had to break the window to get the drummer out!
Q: Why do drummers leave their drumsticks on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in the more...

In New York City, an out of work jazz drummer named Ed was thinking of throwing himself off a bridge. But then he ran into a former booking agent who told him about the fantastic opportunities for drummers in Iraq. The agent said "If you can find your way over there, just take my card and look up the bandleader named Faisal--he's the large guy with the beard wearing gold pajamas and shoes that curl up at the toes." Ed hit up everyone he knew and borrowed enough to buy transport to Iraq. It took several days to arrange for passport, visas, transportation into Iraq and the shipping of his equipment, but he was finally on his way. Ed arrived in Baghdad and immediately started searching for Faisal. He found guys in pajamas of every color but gold. Finally, in a small coffeehouse, he saw a huge man with a beard--wearing gold pajamas and shoes that curled up at the toes! Ed approached him and asked if he was Faisal. He was. Ed gave him the agent's card and Faisal's face brightened more...