Edition Jokes / Recent Jokes
A special Arkansas edition of Windows XP has been developed.
It is distinguished by the unique opening screen. It reads: WINDERS XP, and has a a Dukes of Hazzard screen saver.
Other differentiating features:
The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"
My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption"
Dial up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys"
Control Panel is known as the "The Dashboard"
Hard Drive is referred to as "4- Wheel Drive"
Floppies are "them little ol plastic disc thangs"
Instead of an error message a "garbage bag and roll of duct tape" pops up
CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN ARKANSAS EDITION:
OK... ats aw-right
Cancel... stopdat
Reset... try er agin
Yes... yep
No... noop
Find... hunt fer it
Go to... over yonder
Back... back yonder
Help... hep me out here
Stop... kwitit
Start... crank er up
Settings... settins
Programs... stuff more...
Windows XP may have accidentally been shipped outside Alabama. If you have one of the Alabama editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The Alabama edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS XP with a background picture of the General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver. Also note the Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse, My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption, Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys, Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard, Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive, and floppies are them little ole plactic discn thangs.
Other features: Instead of a error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.
OK = ats aww-right
cancel = hail no
reset = awa shoot
yes = shore
no = Naaaa
find = hunt-fer it
go to = over yonder
back = back yonder
help = hep me out here
stop = ternit off
start = crank it more...
News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive98, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play.
It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market.The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.
The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products: Condom98, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive98 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive98 Small Business Edition is a more...
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the West Virginia edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside West Virginia. If you have one of the West Virginia editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The West Virginia edtion may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver. Also note:
The Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys
Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard
Hard Drive is referred to as Four Wheel Drive
Floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.
And instead of an error message, you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.
Other features:
OK = ats aww-right
cancel = hail no
reset = awa shoot
yes D shore
no = more...
THE local paper had been dropping some pretty hot hints about the conduct of the Lord Mayor and his sexy secretary. Finally a lawyer's letter was sent, and the paper promised to print a bold statement, clearing up the matter. There followed a headline: There is nothing between the
LORD MAYOR AND HIS SECRETARY. The Lord Mayor's lawyer rang up the editor to say:' This will not do; it could be taken two ways. Next week's edition will have to clarify the matter beyond doubt.'
All this time the editor was playing for time; he wanted to get enough on the Lord Mayor to be able to defend a libel action, and he had got it. Therefore he gladly promised to clear the matter beyond doubt. The next edition came out with: Not even a sheet.
THE following is the revised edition of an American prayer:
Forgive us our debts O Lord, I as we forgive our international debtors.
Microsoft Market Penetration-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-INTRODUCING CONTRACEPTIVE98! ! ! Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating everyaspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive98, asuite of applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsofthas been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. Itbelieves these technologies will give it substantial leverage inpenetrating the copulation enhancement market. The product addresses two important user concerns: the need forvirus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure thenon-propagation of life. The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products: Condom98, DeFetus 1. 0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2. 1 (from NortonUtilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4. 0 is bundled in thepackage. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive98 Professional is the Client / Server edition, forprofessionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive98 more...