Email Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mr. Jackson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went on a business trip to Arizona. He immediately sent an email back home to his wife, Janice, to advise her that he had arrived safely.
Unfortunately, he miss typed a letter and the email ended up going to a Mrs. Jennifer Jackson, the spouse of a minister who had just passed away.
The minister's widow took one look at the email and immediately fainted. When she finally came to, she pointed a shaking finger at the email, which read: "Had a safe arrival, but it sure as hell is hot down here."

It's wise to remember how easily email can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here.

Find out where your boss shops and purchase exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This tends to be especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.
Page yourself over the intercom without disguising your voice.
Send email to the other employees telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
Sit at your desk and soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Marge.
Whenever someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they'd like fries with that.
Encourage your co-workers to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.
Highlight your shoes, explaining to everyone that you haven't lost them as much since you did this.
Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.
Send email back and forth to yourself, engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. more...

You've decided to stay in college for an extra year or two for the free internet access.
Your family always knows where to find you.
You don't laugh in real life conversations, you just say LOL, LOL.
You use smileys in your snail mail.
You can't correspond with your family/friends because they don't have a computer.
You laugh at people with 56K modems.
You write 'com' after every period at the end of a sentence.
You feel depressed when your email box shows 'no new messages'.
You feel like you've pulled the plug on a loved one when you shut down your computer.
After waking up to go to the bathroom, you stop to check your email on the way back to bed.

I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk.
I will stop sending email to my roommate.
I resolve to work with neglected children... my own.
I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer my email.
When I subscribe to a news group or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.
I will stay on the computer as long as I want. What? OK, dear... I'm coming. Never mind.
No more downloads from alt.binaries.*
I resolve to back up my new 2 GB hard drive daily... well, once a week... monthly, perhaps...
I will spend less than one hour a day on the Net.
I won't try to get onto the Netscape web site as soon as a new Navigator beta comes out.
When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I won't reply "MS Tech Support."
I will read the manual.
I will think of a password other than "password."
I will limit my top ten lists to ten items.

A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Some Company.
The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.
"You are employed."
He said." Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."
The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."
I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."
The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.
He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60.
The man realized that he can survive by this Way, and started to go more...

30 Ways to Have Fun at the Expense of Others

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

Practice making fax and modem noises.

Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc." them to your boss.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

Holler random more...