Fart Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde was happily married, but for one thing. Every morning she woke up early and passed gas, waking up her husband. After a few months of marriage, her husband finally said, "you have to stop this". "If you fart any more, you'll fart your guts out".
But when nothing changed, the husband decided to take action and that night he put some pig scraps in her pants.
The next morning, she woke up, farted and quickly went to the bathroom. Two long hours later, she came out and stated, "honey, you were right about me farting my guts out". "But don't worry, I managed to push it all back inside"

Q: Why can't single women fart?
A: Cos they don't get an asshole til they're married!!

Three surgeons at a conference were discussing their greatest operations during one of the breaks. First surgeon: "I once had an ambulance crew bring in a man's leg and my team and I built a new body around it and now that he's recovered fully he does the work of five guys." Second surgeon: "That's really good. My greatest test was a few skin fragments sent to us by the local nuclear plant after a major accident. My team and I work for three days and built an entire new person around those few bits and sent him back to work six months later. He's so good that he now runs the entire plant by himself!"Third surgeon: "Not bad, my friend. I was walking along outside the White House when Clinton went jogging by and farted. I captured that fart in a plastic bag and went to the hospital. My team and I built another ass hole around that fart, added a brain and he's so good he's putting this entire country out of work!"

This man walks into a Gay Bar not knowing it's a gay bar and sits down at a table some gay guy walks up to him and says "Wanna play football"
The man says okay and thay go behind the bar the gay guy says "alright a burp is a touch down and a fart is a field goal.
So the man says I'm goin' for the feild goal and the gay guy gets a small grin on his face, the man bends over and is about to fart and the gay guy butt f***s him the man goes what the hell why you do that.
The gay guy says I was trying to block your field goal.

An old lady was shopping in a carpet store and stopped at one she particularly liked. Bending over to feel the texture of it, she let out a fart.
As she stood up, she noticed a salesman standing behind her. "How much is this carpet?" she asked him.
"Well, lady," he replied, "if just touching it made you fart, you're going to shit your pants when you hear the price."

A stuffy matron is with a new man in a top restaurant. The onion soup gets to
her, and as the waiter is serving the main dishes she lets loose a bombastic
fart.
Trying to save face, she says to the waiter, "Sir! Please stop that
immediately."
"Certainly, madame," replies the waiter with a bow. "Which way was it headed?"

The Unfortunate Person: One who tries hard to fart, but shits instead.