Happily Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sung To The Tune Of "Winter Wonderland." Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin', From my mouth, drool is glist'nin', I'm happy -- although My boss let me go -- Happily addicted to the Web. All night long, I sit clicking, Unaware time is ticking, There's beard on my cheek, Same clothes for a week, Happily addicted to the Web. Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, "Yo, man! Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?" With a listless shrug, I mutter, "No, man; I just discovered letterman-dot-com!" I don't phone, don't send faxes, Don't go out, don't pay taxes, Who cares if someday They drag me away? I'm happily addicted to the Web!

Happily Addicted to the Web (Sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")

Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin', From my mouth, drool is glist'nin', I'm happy--although My boss let me go-- Happily addicted to the Web.

All night long, I sit clicking, Unaware time is ticking, There's beard on my cheek, Same clothes for a week, Happily addicted to the Web.

Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, "Yo, man! Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?" With a listless shrug, I mutter, "No, man; I just discovered letterman-dot-com!"

I don't phone, don't send faxes, Don't go out, don't pay taxes, Who cares if someday They drag me away? I'm happily addicted to the Web!

Herman and Martha were happily married for nearly forty years. The
only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking
wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up Martha
and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for
air. Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in
the morning. Herman told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him to
visit a doctor to see if anything could be done, but the husband wouldn't
hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function, and then
he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her
hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't
stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out."
The years went by and Martha continued to suffer and Herman continued
to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until one more...

Bob and Bill go duck hunting. They settle down in their pit blind and wait for the ducks. This gets rapidly boring for Bill, so he reaches into his backpack and withdraws a pint of 100 proof scotch.
"Want some?" he asks Bob.
"No, I've got to concentrate on hunting ducks."
"Okay..." he says and happily drains the bottle.
They go back to watching for ducks. Again, Bill gets bored and gets from his backpack another bottle of scotch.
"Want some." he asks again.
"No, thanks, I really don't drink," is his reply.
"Your loss." he says and happily drains the bottle. He's pretty sloshed by now, but goes back to help his friend watch for ducks.
A minute later, a single duck flies up. "Bang!!!" goes Bob's gun.
"Darn, missed," says Bob.
Bill waves his gun in the general direction of the sky. "Bang!!!" his gun goes. He drops the duck out of the sky.
"Wow," more...