Harry Jokes / Recent Jokes

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide she'll become a hooker. She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you've got a question, I'll be parked around the corner.

She's not there five minutes when a guy pulls up and says, "How much?"

"A hundred dollars."

"Damn. All I've got is thirty."

"Hold on," she says and runs back to Harry. "What can he get for thirty dollars?"

"A handjob," Harry replies.

She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollars is a handjob. He says okay, she gets in the car, he unzips his pants, and out pops a simply HUGE male unit. She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back."

She runs back around the corner and says breathlessly, "Harry, can you loan this guy seventy more...

Every night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him, for his constant nights out, and coming home in a drunken state. But, Harry continued his nightly routine. One day, the wife was talking to a friend about her husband's behavior, and was particularly distraught by it all. The friend listened to her, and then said, "Why don't you treat him a little differently, when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words, and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways." The wife thought that might be a good idea. That night, Harry took off again, after dinner. And, about midnight, he arrived home, in his usual condition. His wife heard more...

As soon as Mrs. Jones arrived at the gates of heaven she sought her husband, who had died several years before.
"Excuse me," she said, approaching the gatekeeper, "but I'm looking for my husband. I wonder if you can help me."
"What is his name?" the gatekeeper inquired.
"Harry. .. Harry Jones," she replied.
The gatekeeper stroked his chin. "There are many here who have that name. What else can you tell me about him?"
Blurting out the first thing that came to mind, she said, "Well, the last thing he said before he died was that if I were ever unfaithful to him, he would turn in his grave."
"Ah!" said the gatekeeper, "you're looking for Pin-Wheel Harry!"

British Royal, Prince Harry has been deployed to Iraq as a tank commander. It has been reported that he will be kept away from dangerous areas, assigned a round the clock SAS protection squad and have a minimal tour of duty. On his off time he has been seen in the mess hall completing Rubix Cubes by peeling the stickers off and reapplying them to the correct locations and beating other soldiers at a game he invented called "Connect Two" in which he always goes first. Prince Harry was quoted as saying "The one thing I miss about England is my favorite past time of shooting barrels full of fish"

A driver is stopped by a police officer. The driver asks, “What’s the problem officer? ”
Officer: “You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. ”
Man: “No sir, I was going 65. ”
Wife: “Oh, Harry. You were going 80. ” (The man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Officer: “I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. ”
Man: “Broken tail light? I didn’t know about a broken tail light! ”
Wife: “Oh Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks. ” (The man gives his wife another dirty look.)
Officer: “I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seatbelt. ”
Man: “Oh I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. ”
Wife: “Oh Harry, you never wear your seatbelt. ”
The man turns to his wife and yells, “SHUT YOUR MOUTH! ”
The Officer turns to the woman and asks, “Ma’am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time? ”
The wife says, more...

When Oscar went away on vacation, his brother Harry promised to take care of his cat. The next day, Oscar called Harry to see how the animal was doing.

"Your cat is dead," said Harry, matter-of-factly.

"Dead?" said the shocked Oscar. "Why did you have to tell me like that?"

"How should I have told you?" asked Harry.

"Well, " said Oscar, "the first time I called, you could have broken it to me gently. You could have said my cat was on the roof, but the fire department was getting her down. The second time I called, you could have told me the cat fell out of the fireman's arms and broke its neck. The third time I called, you could have said the vet did everything he could, but Fluffy passed away. That way it wouldn't have been so hard on me."

"I'm sorry," said Harry.

"That's all right. By the way, how's mother?"

"She's up on more...

Hal E. Luya (Hallelujah)
Hal Jalikakick (How'd ya like a kick)
Hammond Eggs (Ham and Eggs)
Hank E. Panky (Hanky Panky)
Harmon Ikka (Harmonica)
Harris Mint (Harassment)
Harrison Fire (Hair is on Fire)
Harry Balzac (Hairy Ball Sack)
Harry Weiner (Hairy Wiener)
Hayden Seek (Hide & Seek)
Haywood Jablowme (Hey, Would You Blow Me?)
Haywood Jashootmee (Hey Would You Shoot Me?)
Hein Noon (High Noon)
Helen Back (Hell and Back)
Helena Hanbaskett (Hell In A Hand Basket)
Henador Titzhoff (He Gnawed Her Tits Off)
Herbie Hind (Her Behind)
Herb E. Side (Herbiside)
Herbie Voor (Herbivore)
Holden Mcgroin (Holding My Groin)
Holly Dayin (Holiday Inn)
Holly Wood (Hollywood)
Homan Provement (Home Improvent)
Homer Sexual (Homosexual)
Howard I. No (How Would I Know?)
Howe D. Pardner (Howdy Partner)
Hu Flung Pu (Who Flung Poo?)
Huang Annsaw (Wrong Answer)
Hugh Beeotch more...