Hollywood Jokes / Recent Jokes

The long-shanked, ash-blonde Hollywood starlet was grappling with the producer in his Laurel Canyon home for a full half-hour.

Finally, with a supreme effort, she picked herself up off the couch, straightened her stockings, brushed the hair off her forehead, looked him straight in the eye and said, "Flirt."

(The story below is of my own telling; it is based upon a true
story told me by my uncle, but I have invented the name "Howard,"
inserted some opinions about "hunting shows," and changed the course
of events slightly.)
My uncle told me about one of his friends, Howard, who was hired to
participate in one of those "Saturday Sportsman" shows. His job was
to hide in the bushes, holding a pheasant, and release it at the
appropriate moment, so that it could be promptly shot down for the
pleasure of the viewing audience.
Howard's first brush with Hollywood was very exciting. Granted, no one
would ever see him, his name wouldn't be in the credits, but, at least it
was "Show Business!" Provided with a pheasant, and installed in a certain
stand of corn stalks, Howard waited for his cue to hurl the bird into
the air.
You, the viewer, don't see Howard, of course. You do see two more...

Pee-wee Herman recently apologized for changes and delays to his long awaited comeback show, the reason given... he is still busy cleaning the back of the seats in the theatre from his last "comeback" show.

A good-looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said, "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.
The agent asked, "What's your name?"
The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."
The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name."
"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."
The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you."
"So be it! I guess we will not do business together,

Astronomers in Prague today have decided Pluto is no longer a planet. In related news, producers in Hollywood have decided Tom Cruise is no longer a star.

It was a hot day and a Hollywood star told a visiting Asian actor he knew of a secluded place where they can go skinny dipping.While they were enjoying the cool water, a busload of women suddenly appeared. Both men made a beeline for their towels. The Hollywood star wrapped his towel around his waist, while the Asian actor wrapped his towel around his head. There was a great deal of laughter coming from the women. They were hysterical.Afterwards, when there was only the two of them, the Hollywood star asked his guest why he wrap his towel around his head, instead of around his waist and he replied, "Where I come from we identify with our faces".

A famous Hollywood director dies and reaches Heaven. At the proverbial gate, St. Peter meets him and explains that God would like the director to make one more movie.
The director grimaces, "But I retired years before I died. I'm tired of all the hassles involved in making movies."
"Listen," St. Peter explains, "We got Ludwig von Beethoven to write a new score for the movie."
"You're not listening to me," the director protested. "I don't want to make any more movies."
"But we got Leonardo da Vinci to do the set design for you," St. Peter exclaimed.
"I don't want to make any more movies!" the director insisted.
"Now look at this script," St Peter said. "We got William Shakespeare to write it for you."
"Well," said the director "a score by Beethoven, set design by da Vinci, a script by William Shakespeare... How can I go wrong? I'll do more...