Ice-cream Jokes

THE FOLLOWING STORY CONTAINS EXPLICIT USAGE OF OBSCENE LANGUAGE IN A SEXUAL
CONTEXT. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE BELOW THE ACCEPTABLE AGE OF 18 YEARS. THE
AUTHOR IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY VIOLATION OR IGNORANCE OF THIS WARNING.

There was once a posh gentleman who went to this luxurious, and highly
pompous restaurant for a lavish dinner. He called a waiter, asked for the
menu card, and then ordered a French soup a la' creme. Moments later, the
waiter returned with the soup with his index finger poked inside the
soup-bowl. Seeing this disgusting sight, the gentleman was dismayed, but
with regard to his gentlemanly manner, remained quiet. He then ordered for
apetizers, and the main course.
During each of his courses, he noticed that the waiter was always poking his
thumb into the dish. This time, the man was utterly annoyed, but still
stayed calm, forcing his urging desire to punch the waiter, to regress.
After enjoying more...

Three men were talking to each other:
1st man: "In our village the winters are so cold that people have to put on 10 blankets."
2nd man: "In our village the winters are so cold that people have to put on 20 blankets."
3rd man: "That's nothing. In our village the winters are so cold that cows give ice-cream instead of milk

You need to have a British sense of humor (ahem - that would be humour) to fully understand this. There is an explanation of some of the terms following the joke...
Carlos the ice-cream man's van is parked at the side of the road. Lights flashing, music playing, a big queue of excited kids stretches down the street. But there's no sign of Carlos.
A copper walking down the road wonders what is going on. "Where is Carlos?, Why is he not dishing out the ice-cream?"
He goes over to the van and peers over the high counter.
On the floor he spots Carlos. He's lying very still covered in chocolate sauce, strawberry sauce, nuts, hundreds and thousands and those little jelly bits.
"Get back kids," he shouts.
Moving away so the bemused kids cannot overhear him he gets on the radio to the police station.
"Sarge, get someone down here quick," he stutters, "It's Carlos the ice-cream man... He's topped himself."
Being English more...

Which football team loves ice-cream? Aston Vanilla!

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name. "Yeah teach?" he replies. "If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher. Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off." "No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds. "Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?" The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream." Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way more...