Integrity Jokes

An investment counselor went out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, and so she began interviewing young lawyers."As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward and continued, "Mr. Peterson, are you an honest lawyer?""Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.""Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."

After the test match, new rules need to be incorporated by ICC to give the other teams a perfect clarification
(1) Ricky Ponting – (THE TRULY GENUINE CRICKETER OF THE CRICKET ERA AND WHOSE INTEGRITY SHOULD NOT BE DOUBTED ) should be considered as the FOURTH UMPIRE. As per the new rules, FOURTH UMPIRE decision is final and will over ride any decisions taken by any other umpires. ON-FIELD umpires can seek the assistance of RICKY PONTING even if he is not on the field. This rule is to be made, so that every team should understand the importance of the FOURTH UMPIRE.
(2) While AUSTRALIAN TEAM is bowling, If the ball flies anywhere close to the AUSTRALIAN FIELDER(WITHIN 5 metre distance), the batsman is to be considered OUT irrelevant of whether the catch was taken cleanly or grassed. Any decision for further clarification should be seeked from the FOURTH UMPIRE. This is made to ensure that the cricket is played with SPORTIVE SPIRIT by all the teams.
(3) While BATTING, more...

"Always remember," said the businessman to his son, "there are two things that will ensure your success in business." "What are they?"
'The businessman said in a stentorian voice, "Integrity and wisdom."
"Integrity?"
"That's right. No matter how it may be to your detriment, no matter what your colleagues or the board may say, always keep your word once you have given it."
"And wisdom?"
"Don't be a horse's ass and give it"

Signs Your Car Might Be A Lemon

Motor Trend never mentioned a "Chevrolet Caca."

Manufactured in Zchkynk, Crzyktjkystan.

Passenger-side "airbag" is actually Rush Limbaugh crammed inside your glove box.

Two Words: Pontiac Sunkist

Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.

Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.

Car has spent more time on "60 Minutes" than on the road.

Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.

Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.

Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.

Bicycle pump required to inflate airbags.

"Jaws of Life" in trunk.

The hood ornament? An ostrich with its head in the sand.

When you sit behind the wheel, a nerdy billionaire voice asks, "Where more...

1. Debug code developed 4 years ago for a rush project with absolutely no documentation? Love to!
2. More documentation? Love to!
3. Why would anyone who spends every day of the week working on a computer want to spend any of their free time playing computer games?
4. Join in a Quake game? No thanks, I'm leaving early to spend some quality time with my friends and family.
5. Please - not pizza again.
6. Who wrote this? I've never seen such clean code! It should take me no time at all to debug it.
7. I'm really more of a morning person myself.
8. I'd really like to work in a big corporate environment where I can wear all of my favorite ties.
9. Microsoft - all the tools and support you'll ever need.
10. I really don't know the answer to that question.
11. From a network guy - No I'm sure it's not an application issue - I probably just haven't segmented the LAN correctly - I'll get right on that.
12. From a developer - I have complete more...