Japan Jokes / Recent Jokes

...weight loss, feelings of despair, insomnia, recent purchase of Toyota vehicle.

I heard this one today from Steinar Hoistad, Director of European
Operations UNIX International, at the UI Road show.
A colleague was invited to hold a speech in Japan.
Aware of his reputation as a very good speaker, he was surprised that
his audience did not react at all to any of his perfectly timed jokes
and witticisms. In fact, the audience did not react to anything he
said. Somewhat put down, he went back to his seat and a Japanese
gentleman appeared on the stage. This man had a terrific success!
People laughed and applauded, and although the original speaker could not
understand one bit of what was said. Still he started to applaud, as
the man evidently deserved praise for this perfect speech.
However, he was interrupted by the chairman of the conference:
"No no, sir. You must not applaud!"
Dumbfounded he protested:
"But why? This man is obviously a very good speaker."
"No sir, you must not more...

It was Mr. Mandel's first trip to Japan, and, looking to unwind after a hard day of business dealings, he went to a local bar. There he met a beautiful young Japanese woman. Though she spoke no English and he no Japanese, each communicated their desire to the other; before too long they had left the bar and retired to his hotel room. The two shut the lights and fell into bed, where they began making love.
Immediately after they began their passionate coupling, the woman began shouting, "Gojira. . . gojira. .. ah, ah gojiral" Realizing that she must never have had anyone as virile as an American, Mr. Mandel knuckled down and worked all the harder to satisfy her.
The next day he met one of his Japanese colleagues on the golf course for a leisurely day of sport and business. On his first stroke the sharp-eyed Mr. Tsuburaya knocked a hole-inr one; trying to show how happy he was for the man, Mr. Mandel shouted exuberantly, "Gojira! Gojira!"
Mr. more...

Take heart, America. Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan’s well-oiled economic machine. It’s only a mater of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fail.
What could cause such a sharp turnaround? High interest rates? Increased unemployment? Lower productivity? No, it’s something much more economically debilitating - and permanent.
Three American lawyers have become the first foreign attorneys permitted to practice law in Japan. What’s more, two of them are from New York!
The decline has begun.
Japan has one attorney for every 10, 000 residents, compared to the U. S. ratio of one attorney for every 390 residents. For every 100 attorneys trained in Japan, there are 1, 000 engineers. In the United States, that ratio is reversed.
But a law that became effective on April 1 permits foreigners to practice in Japan for the first time since 1955. Already, an additional 20 American and six British lawyers have more...

Earlier this year, the dazed crew of a Japanese Trawler were recovered off the Sea of Japan clinging to the wreckage of their ship. Their rescue, however, was followed by immediate imprisonment once authorities questioned the sailors on their ship's loss.

They claimed that a cow, falling out of the clear blue sky, had struck the trawler amidships, shattering it's hull and sinking the vessel within minutes.

They remained in prison for several weeks, until the Russian Air Force reluctantly informed Japanese authorities that the crew of one of its cargo planes had apparently stolen a cow wandering at the edge of a Siberian airfield. They forced the cow into the plane's hold and hastily departed for home.

Unprepared for live cargo, the Russian crew was ill-equipped to manage a rampaging cow within its hold. To save the aircraft and themselves, they shoved the animal out of the cargo hold as they crossed the Sea of Japan at an altitude of 30, 000 feet.

Joe Smith starts another day early, having set his alarm clock (made in Japan) for 6: 00am While his coffee pot (made in Japan), is perking, he puts his hair dryer (made in Taiwan) to work and shaves with his electric razor (made in Hong Kong). He puts on a dress shirt (made in Singapore), and a pair of tennis shoes (made in Korea). After cooking up some breakfast in his new electric skillet (made in the Philippines), he sits down to figure out on his calculator (made in Mexico) how muck he can spend today. After setting his watch (made in Japan), to the radio (made in Hong Kong), he goes out, gets in his car (made in Japan), and goes looking, ad he has been for months, for a good paying American job. At the end of another discouraging and fruitless day, Joe decides to relax for awhile. He puts on a pair of sandals (made in Brazil), pours himself a glass of wine (made in France), and turns on his TV (made in Japan) and once again ponders why he can't find a good paying American job.

Sales were suspended because handling problems could lead to rollover problems. On the upside, rollovers do bring the Lexus to a stop.