Journal Jokes / Recent Jokes
When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it?
USA Today: WE'RE DEAD
The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS
National Enquirer: O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN
Playboy: GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE
Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE
Victoria's Secret Catalog: OUR FINAL SALE
Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER
Wired: THE LAST NEW THING
Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR
Readers Digest: BYE
Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?
TV Guide: DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR!
Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS. BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET!
America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES.
Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE
Microsoft's Web Site: IF YOU DIDN'T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE, DOWNLOAD SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777.EXE.
Sun: more...
When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it? USA Today: WE'RE DEADThe Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDSNational Enquirer: O. J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAINPlayboy: GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSEMicrosoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHAREVictoria's Secret Catalog: OUR FINAL SALESports Illustrated: GAME OVERWired: THE LAST NEW THINGRolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOURReaders Digest:'BYEDiscover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS? TV Guide: DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR! Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET! America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES. Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSEMicrosoft's Web Site: IF YOU DIDN'T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE, DOWNLOAD SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777. EXE
USA Today: WE'RE DEAD
The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS
National Enquirer: O. J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN
Playboy: GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE
Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE
Victoria's Secret Catalog: OUR FINAL SALE
Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER
Wired: THE LAST NEW THING
Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR
Readers Digest:' BYE
Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?
TV Guide: DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR!
Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET!
America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES.
Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE
A selection of headlines from the Mike Tyson-Evander Holyfield fight and its aftermath:
' 'A Bad Bite for Boxing'' - The News & Observer of Raleigh.
' 'Twice Bitten'' - Times-Picayune of New Orleans.
' 'Bite of the Century!'' - Arizona Republic.
' 'Bite Night'' - Lexington (Ky.) Herald-Leader.
' 'Tyson's Tasteless Tactics: Bite Night'' - The Record of Hackensack, N.J.
' 'Reality Bites'' - Times Union of Albany, N.Y.
' 'Did Tyson Bite Off More Than He Can Chew? Time Will Tell'' - Salt Lake Tribune.
' 'Tyson Subject of Biting Criticism'' - The (Baltimore) Sun.
' 'Biting Commentary'' - The Boston Herald.
' 'Tyson Bites the Dust, Holyfield'' - Huntsville (Ala.) Times.
' 'Holyfield May Take a Bite Out of Tyson'' - The Indianapolis Star.
' 'Holyfield Can't Stay Unbitten as Heavyweight'' - Sun-Sentinel, Fort Lauderdale, Fla.
' 'Earmarks of cowardice'' - Houston Chronicle.
' 'Earmark of an eerie night'' - The Atlanta more...
Police have evacuated The Wall Street Journal's mailroom after several envelopes were found to contain a suspicious white powder. Afterwards, several comedy writers were arrested for telling the same tired "cocaine reference" joke.
Judge Jerry Buchmeyer of the US District Court for the Northern District of Texas writes a monthly article for the Texas Bar Journal. Often, he cites unusual exchanges between lawyers and witnesses during trials.
The following true exchange says it all:
Lawyer: "So, Doctor, you determined that a gunshot wound was the cause of death of the patient?"
Doctor: "That's correct."
Lawyer: "Did you examine the patient when he came to the emergency room?"
Doctor: "No, I performed the autopsy."
Lawyer: "OK, were you aware of his vital signs when he was at the hospital?"
Doctor: "He came into the emergency room in shock and died a short time later."
Lawyer: "Did you pronounce him dead at that time?"
Doctor: "No, I am the pathologist who performed the autopsy. I was not involved with the patient initially."
Lawyer: "Well, are you even sure then, that he died in more...
Tuesday's Wall Street Journal has an article about the Dutch takeover of
JFK airport's International Arrivals building. The Dutch have some
interesting ideas on how to clean it up:
In Amsterdam, the tile under Schiphol's urinals would pass inspection in an
operating room. But nobody notices. What everybody does notice is that
each urinal has a fly in it. Look harder, and the fly turns into the black
outline of a fly, etched into the porcelain.
"It improves the aim," says Aad Kieboom. "If a man sees a fly, he aims at
it." Mr. Kieboom, an economist, directs Schiphol's own building expansion.
His staff conducted fly-in-urinal trials and found that etchings reduce
spillage by 80%.
"We will put flies in the urinals - yes," Jan Jansen says in a back office
at the Arrivals Building. He is the new Dutch general manager, the boss as
of noon today. "It gives a guy something to think about. That's more...