Jumper Jokes / Recent Jokes

Temperatures
60 degrees - Californians put their sweaters on. 50 degrees - Miami residents turn on the heat. 45 degrees - Vermont residents go to outdoor concert. 40 degrees - You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming. 35 degrees - Italians cars don't start. 32 degrees - Water freezes. 30 degrees - You plan your vacation in Australia. 25 degrees - Ohio water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming. 20 degrees - Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation farther south. 15 degrees - French cars don't start, cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you. 10 degrees - You need jumper cables to get the car going. 5 degrees - American cars don't start. 0 degrees - Alaskans put on T-shirts. -10 degrees - German cars don't start, eyes freeze shut when you step outside. -15 degrees - You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, more...

Temperatures60 degrees - Californians put their sweaters on. 50 degrees - Miami residents turn on the heat. 45 degrees - Vermont residents go to outdoor concert. 40 degrees - You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming. 35 degrees - Italians cars don't start. 32 degrees - Water freezes. 30 degrees - You plan your vacation in Australia. 25 degrees - Ohio water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming. 20 degrees - Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation farther south. 15 degrees - French cars don't start, cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you. 10 degrees - You need jumper cables to get the car going. 5 degrees - American cars don't start. 0 degrees - Alaskans put on T-shirts. -10 degrees - German cars don't start, eyes freeze shut when you step outside. -15 degrees - You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans more...

A man walks into a bar carrying jumper cables.
The bartender says, "Hey! Don't you try to start anything in here."

A farmer in Alabama was driving across a bridge in his pickup
truck when he noticed a man standing on the rail of the bridge
ready to jump to his death in the river below.
The man stopped his truck, ran up to the man, and said, "Hey
fellow, why are you doing this?" The man replied, "Well, I
have nothing to live for."
The Alabama man replied, "Well, think of your wife and
children!" The jumper replied, "I have no wife or children."
The Alabama man then said, "Well, then think of your mother
and father!" The man replied, "Mom and Dad passed on many
years back."
The Alabama man then said, "Well, think of General
Robert E. Lee!" The would-be jumper replied, "Who?"
With that the Alabama man said, "Jump you stupid Yankee, jump!"

Degrees (Fahrenheit)* 65 degrees: Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night* 60 degrees: Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)* 50 degrees: Miami residents turn on the heat* 45 degrees: Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts* 40 degrees: You can see your breathCalifornians shiver uncontrollablyMinnesotans go swimming* 35 degrees: Italian cars don't start* 32 degrees: Water freezes* 30 degrees: You plan your vacation to Australia* 25 degrees: Ohio water freezesCalifornians weep pitiablyMinnesotans eat ice creamCanadians go swimming* 20 degrees: Politicians begin to talk about the homelessNew York City water freezesMiami residents plan vacation further South* 15 degrees: French cars don't startCat insists on sleeping in your bed with you* 10 degrees: You need jumper cables to get the car going* 5 degrees: American cars don't start* 0 degrees: Alaskans put on T-shirts* -10 degrees: German cars don't startEyes freeze shut when you blink* -15 degrees: You can cut your breath more...

A old Irish woman brought an old picture of her dead husband, to a photographer and asked him if he could touch it up as it was the only photo she had to remember him by. The Photographer assured her that when he finished with the photo she would think it had just been developed. He also asured her that he could remove all the wrinkles and the scratches from the photo and asked her if that was all she wanted done on the photo to which she replied, well he’s wearing his old rubber wellington boots and I never really cared for them, could you do something about that. The photographer said he could make it look like he had his sunday best shoes on. She was really delighted and asked him if he could do something with the old moth eaten jumper her husband was wearing in the photo to which he said he could make it look like a new jumper. By this time she was really overjoyed and said that she never liked the hat he had on and wanted to know if the photographer could remove the hat from more...

How Cold Is Cold?

60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)

50 Miami residents turn on the heat

40 You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming

35 Italian cars don't start

32 Water freezes

30 You plan your vacation to Australia

25 Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming

20 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation further South

15 French cars don't start, Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you

10 You need jumper cables to get the car going

5 American cars don't start

0 Alaskans put on T-shirts

-10 German cars don't start, Eyes freeze shut when you blink

-15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects, Miami more...