Sweaters Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Animals-Pigs/Sheep
    Do you think sheep know when you're pulling the wool over their eyes?
    Does the person who inventories sheep often fall asleep on the job?
    If a pig is sold to the pawn shop is it then called a ham-hock?
    If we make sweaters out of a sheep's hair, what do the sheep use to make sweaters?
    If you can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear what can you make with it?
    If you pushed a pig down a hill would he be a sausage roll?
    What do pigs say when they don't want to do something? Would it be' Yea
    when humans fly'?
    What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?
    Why can't pigs look up into the sky?
    Why do pigs have curly tails?
    Why do we call them guinea pigs when they are neither from Guinea nor are they pigs?
    Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
    Why is it that only pigs and humans can get sunburn?
    Why is it that the first thing we try to do after killing a pig is to cure it?
    Would a small pig more...

    Degrees (Fahrenheit)
    * 65 degrees:
    Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night
    * 60 degrees:
    Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)
    * 50 degrees:
    Miami residents turn on the heat
    * 45 degrees:
    Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts
    * 40 degrees:
    You can see your breath
    Californians shiver uncontrollably
    Minnesotans go swimming
    * 35 degrees:
    Italian cars don't start
    * 32 degrees:
    Water freezes
    * 30 degrees:
    You plan your vacation to Australia
    * 25 degrees:
    Ohio water freezes
    Californians weep pitiably
    Minnesotans eat ice cream
    Canadians go swimming
    * 20 degrees:
    Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
    New York City water freezes
    Miami residents plan vacation further South
    * 15 degrees:
    French cars don't start
    Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
    * 10 degrees:
    You need jumper cables to get the car going
    * 5 degrees:
    American cars more...

    How Cold Is Cold?

    60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)

    50 Miami residents turn on the heat

    40 You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming

    35 Italian cars don't start

    32 Water freezes

    30 You plan your vacation to Australia

    25 Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming

    20 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation further South

    15 French cars don't start, Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you

    10 You need jumper cables to get the car going

    5 American cars don't start

    0 Alaskans put on T-shirts

    -10 German cars don't start, Eyes freeze shut when you blink

    -15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects, Miami more...

    I am reminded of how this
    native went to his first cricket match and described it
    to his witchdoctor after he got back. I heard it when
    I was in college and have no idea where it originated.
    He said, ''It was a beautiful sunny Sunday. A big
    crowd of people gathered around this giant grass field
    with a thin strip of mowed and flattened pitch in the middle.
    There were three sticks at either end of the strip.
    A man in a long overcoat came out with two men in sweaters
    and he tossed a coin in to the air. They went out and out
    came eleven men in sweaters and white pants. One of them was padded
    and had big gloves. Then out came two men with pads on their legs
    and small gloves holding big sticks. They took positions at
    either end of the strip and one of the other men came running
    towards the wickets and threw this ball at the person holding
    the stick. And lo and behold it started to pour.
    ''White man sure knows how to make rain.''

    Animals-Pigs/Sheep Do you think sheep know when you're pulling the wool over their eyes?
    Does the person who inventories sheep often fall asleep on the job?
    If a pig is sold to the pawn shop is it then called a ham-hock?
    If we make sweaters out of a sheep's hair, what do the sheep use to make sweaters?
    If you can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear what can you make with it?
    If you pushed a pig down a hill would he be a sausage roll?
    What do pigs say when they don't want to do something? Would it be' Yea
    when humans fly'?
    What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?
    Why can't pigs look up into the sky?
    Why do pigs have curly tails?
    Why do we call them guinea pigs when they are neither from Guinea nor are they pigs?
    Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
    Why is it that only pigs and humans can get sunburn?
    Why is it that the first thing we try to do after killing a pig is to cure it?
    Would a small pig be more...

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