Jumper Jokes / Recent Jokes

Temperatures and What They Mean 40 Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming. 35 Italian cars don't start. 32 Water freezes. 30 You can see your breath. Politicians begin to worry about the Homeless. 25 Boston water freezes. Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you. 20 Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream. You can hear your breath. 15 N. Y. City water freezes. Politicians begin to talk aobut the homeless. 12 You plan a vacation to Mexico. 10 Too cold to snow 5 You need jumper cables to get the car going. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you. 3 You plan a vacation in Houston. 0 Too cold to skate. American cars don't start. -5 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. -10 Too cold to think. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. -15 Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you. You need jumper cables to get the driver going. -20 You plan a 2-week hot bath. -25 The mighty Monongahela freezes. Japanese cars more...

A farmer in his pickup truck in Alabama was driving across a bridge when he noticed a man standing on the rail of the bridge ready to jump to his death in the river below. The man stopped his truck ran up to the man and said,' Hey fellow, why are you doing this?' The man replied,' Well, I have nothing to live for.' The Alabama man replied,' Well, think of your wife and children!' The jumper replied,' I have no wife or children.' The Alabama man then said,' Well, then think of your mother and father!' The man replied,' Mom and Dad passed on many years back.' The Alabama man then said,' Well, think of General Robert E. Lee!' The would-be jumper replied,' Who?' With that the Alabama man said,' Jump you stupid yankee, jump!'

(This got passed around Microsoft a few days ago. Thought you might
appreciate it. - Ellen)
Hardware Question of the Day
A dealer calls in, having problems with the interrupt jumpers on a bus mouse
card. After I informed this person that jumper information is on page 9 of the
Mouse User's Guide, and gave the proper jumper setting, the dealer said: "Can
you hold on while I give it a try?"
The telephone clicked against the desk on the other end as the receiver was
set down. The following conversation ensued:
(in whispers)
"He's right. It is on page 9."
"I told you to look in the book."
"I know, I know. He's still on the line. You talk to him."
"I didn't call him. I didn't screw up. You talk to him."
"Why don't you just hang it up. Maybe he won't notice."
"Okay."
Cluck. Click. Buzz (dial tone).
-Glen

+50 degrees Fahrenheit
* New York tenants try to turn on the heat
* People from Ontario plant gardens+40
* Californians shiver uncontrollably
* Albertans sunbathe+35
* Italian cars don't start+32
* Distilled water freezes+30
* You can see your breath
* You plan a vacation in Florida
* Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
* Manitobans eat ice cream+25
* Lake Ontario water freezes
* Californians weep pitiably
* Cat insists on sleeping on your bed+20
* New York water freezes
* San Franciscans start thinking favourably of L.A.
* Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts+15
* You plan a vacation in Acapulco
* Cat insists on sleeping IN your bed with you
* B.C. residents go swimming+10
* Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
* Too cold to snow
* You need jumper cables to get the car going0
* New York landlords turn on the heat
* Newfoundlanders grill hot dogs more...

60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one) 50 Miami residents turn on the heat 40 You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming 35 Italian cars don't start 32 Water freezes 30 You plan your vacation to Australia 25 Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming 20 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation further South 15 French cars don't start, Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you 10 You need jumper cables to get the car going 5 American cars don't start 0 Alaskans put on T-shirts -10 German cars don't start, Eyes freeze shut when you blink -15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects, Miami residents cease to exist -20 Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you, Politicians actually do something about the homeless, Minnesotans shovel snow off roof, Japanese more...