Kangaroo Jokes / Recent Jokes

An Englishman goes to Australia with his wife; they stay in a 5 star hotel and hire a Limo for the day. While driving along the road, his wife asks, "Look! What is that man doing with that kangaroo?"

The man replies, "My God! Don't look, it's disgusting!"

Further down the road the wife says, "Look, another one!" and the husband says, "Disgusting! I shall report this when we get back to the hotel."

They arrive back at the hotel only to find a man with one wooden leg having a wank on the steps of the hotel.

The husband charges in and says to the manager, "Look, we come here in good faith, to stay in your 5 star hotel and what happens? We are driving down the road and we come across a drover in copulation with a kangaroo. Further on, recurrence of the same thing. Then we get back here only to find a man with one wooden leg, masturbating on your front steps. Well, what do you have to say about more...

Two kangaroo shooters are way out the back of Bourke when their ute breaks down. They do the right thing and stay with it but no one comes along. So they decide to walk out with the temperature being 40 degrees Celsius plus.



After 2 days, they? re on their last drop of radiator water when they climb a rise and find, nailed to a tree, a sign saying MERCY, POPULATION 12. In the distance there's a collection of ramshackle tin huts. They arrive and identify one hut as a caf?. They enter.



A lady appears, very proper. "Yis", she says.



"Bring us a drink, luv. Make it long and quick."



"We only serve one thing here."



"What? s that?"



"Koala tea."



"Well, bring it luv, only make it quick!"



She brings it, and she is not kidding. Pathetic little paws grip the more...

Q: What do you get when you mix a kangaroo and a sheep?
A: A Wooley Jumper

A kangaroo mom with seven babies in her pouch told another kangaroo mom, ''These sleepovers are killing me!''

First Kangaroo: How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros? Second Kangaroo: The elephant has a better memory.

Q: What do you get when you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A: A sweater with pockets

THE FOSTERS AD DURING THE OLYMPICS
I don't have a kangaroo for a pet
I don't wrestle with crocodiles And I don't wear a cork hat
I fight wars but never start wars I would rather make peace
I can wear my country's flag with pride
I am a rock I am the ocean I am the island continent
My neighbours are the Smiths, the Wilson's, the Santerellis,
the De Costis, the Wong's and the Jakamarras
I play football without a helmet
I like beetroot on my hamburger
I ride in the front seat of the taxi
I believe it's a prawn not a shrimp
I believe the world is round and down under is on top
I believe Australia is the best address on Earth
And Australians brew the best beer.

now..... THE REAL AUSSIE

I ate my pet Kangaroo
I am shit scared of crocodiles And I wear a baseball cap
I love star wars And the wookie is my favourite
I would rather get pissed
And watch someone else carry the country's more...