Kids Jokes / Recent Jokes

Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon! Where do little fishes go every morning? To plaice school! What fish goes up the river at 100mph? A motor pike! How could the dolphin afford to buy a house? He prawned everything! 1st kipper:' Smoking's bad for you' 2nd kipper:' It's OK, I've been cured' What kind of fish is useful in freezing weather? Skate! What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh! What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours? A hermit crab! What do you get from a bad-tempered shark? As far away as possible! Why did the whale cross the road? To get to the other tide!

There was a boy named Brandon that went to school one regular school day. He asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no because he was not allowed to go during class, so he had to hold it in. It was the end of the day, and he really had to make a poopie, but all the bus kids had to get inside the bus. Brandon REALLY had to go, so he had no other choice but to poop right where his bus seat was!!! At first, no one had noticed the stench, but a few minutes later THE WHOLE ENTIRE BUS SMELLED LIKE FRESH POOP!!! He was very embarrased, and all the other kids were making fun of him. When the bus stopped at his house, the bus driver had told his mother(who was waiting for him at the doorstep)all about the poop incident. The mother was embarrased, and Brandon never wanted to go to school again(although he did have to)!

The father of 17 kids goes to the doc's with a rash on his belly. "All right" says the Doc, "drop' em and let's have a look." Having been confronted with the evidence the Doc exclaims "Yes, you've got a bad rash there, but my word, what brown balls you've got. They're truly remarkable!".

The patient is a bit embarrassed and says "Look Doc, what about the rash?"

"Oh that's easy," said the Doc, "Here's some cream to rub on. By the way, those brown balls are amazing, my I ask....."

"No," said the patient, "You can't. Now, is that all Doc?"

"Well, " said the Doctor, " You could stop the rash coming back with a bit better hygiene. Tell your wife you need clean underpants every day. And those really are the brownest balls I've ever seen!"

The guy goes home and tells his wife that the Doctor says he needs clean underpants every more...

class bell rings and the kids all go into class 5minutes later a boy walks in teacher says:why u late boy:iv been on top of blueberry hill sir teacher:detention after school 5minutes later another boy walks in teacher:why u late boy:iv been on top of blueberry hill sir teacher:detention for u 5 minutes later another boy walks in teacher:why u late boy:iv been on top of blueberry hill sir an then a girl walks in teacher:AND I SUPOSE URV BEEN ON TOP OF BLUEBERRY HILL TO
girl:no sir i am BLUEBERRY HILL

Six men will be dropped on an island with one van and four kids each, for six weeks. Each kid plays two sports and either takes music or dance classes. There is no access to fast food.

Each man must take care of his 4 kids, keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, etc.

The men only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done: There is only one TV between them and there is no remote.

The men must shave their legs and wear makeup daily, which they must apply themselves either while driving or while making four lunches. They must attend weekly PTA meetings; clean up after their sick children at 3: 00a. m; make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.

The kids vote them off based on performance.

The winner gets to go back to his job.

A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs in their bedroom. The 7-year-old is explaining that it is high time that the two of them begin swearing. When his little brother responds enthusiastically, the 7-year old says, "When we go downstairs for breakfast this morning, I'll say' hell' and you say' ass'."

The 4-year-old happily agrees.
As the two boys are seating themselves at the breakfast table, their mother walks in and asks her older son what he would like to eat for breakfast. The 7-year-old replies, "Aw hell, Mom, I'll just have some Cheerios."

The surprised mother reacts quickly and whacks him one. The boy runs upstairs, bawling and rubbing his behind. With a sterner note in her voice, the mother then asks the younger son, "And what would YOU like for breakfast?"

"I don't know," the 4-year-old blubbers, "but you can bet your ASS it's not gonna be Cheerios!"

AMEN:
The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
BULLETIN:
1. Parish information, read only during the homily.
2. Catholic air conditioning.
3. Your receipt for attending Mass.
CHOIR:
A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync.
HOLY WATER:
A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
HYMN:
A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
RECESSIONAL HYMN:
The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
INCENSE:
Holy Smoke!
JESUITS:
An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams.
JONAH:
The original "Jaws" story.
JUSTICE:
When kids have kids of their own.
KYRIE ELIEISON:
The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava.
MAGI:
The most famous trio to attend a baby more...