Larry Jokes / Recent Jokes

there was a duck bar and a duck walkes up an the bar tender says what your name and he said larry and Ive been in and out of puddles all day and then a nother duck wakes up and the bar tender says whats your name he said jarry and Ive been in and out of puddles all day and another duck walkes up and the bar tender says larry, jarry you must be gary he said no my names puddels.

Fantasy Fist Fight- noun. 1. a fictional battle waged between two or more entities. these entities may be people (living, dead, or fictional), animals, deities, forces of nature, etc. 2. a game often played by adolescent males who are in dire need of female companionship.


Today's Fights:


1. Hugh Hefner Vs. Thousands of Bees (Hefner gets a pesticide gun):
One's every man's dream: rich, cool, and surrounded by beautiful women. The other's a swarm of deadly insects aiming to take him down. Has the founder of Playboy magazine finally met his match? To make things a little more even, we'll give Hef a gun that shoots a pesticide blend. It should take out about 50 bees per shot. But all the viagra and silicone in the world won't stop a tremendous swarm of killer bees (i think...). Fight ends with the bees delivering enough stings to Hefner's body that he is killed almost instantly. In his honor, his family begins the "Hugh Hefner Society to Test Bee more...

Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her pet cat in her arms.
"Hey, lady", yells Larry, "Throw me the cat!"
"No," she cries, "It's too far!"
"I play football, I can catch him."
The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves to Larry, kisses her cat goodbye, and tosses it down to the street.
Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him. The feline bounces off an awning and Larry runs into the street to catch it. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one handed catch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks into cheers.
Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his knees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.

The Kansas City Chiefs have suspended Larry Johnson for one game. Which he thinks is totally gay.

CARSON CITY, Nev., Dec. 23 (UPI) - A legal brothel outside Carson City, Nev. is offering first-time elected officials a 99 percent discount to help them avoid the kind of scandal that could cost Bill Clinton the presidency.
Dennis Hof, owner of the Moonlite Bunnyranch, says his longtime clientele includes a number of prominent U.S. senators and congressmen "who don't want to risk their political careers by having extra-marital sex with women who blab." The brothel promises strict confidentiality.
Hof said today he persuaded his employees, who are independent contractors, to go along with the offer, which expires when Clinton's Senate impeachment trial ends.
He got the idea while attending a Christmas party thrown by publisher Larry Flynt.
The "Hustler" publisher announced last week that he had uncovered evidence of extramarital affairs by several GOP congressmen, and planned to publish it.
Hof said, "What's this world come to when Larry more...

Three ladies are sitting in a bar. All of them have husbands named Larry. One lady asks, "If you could name your husband after any soda pop, what would it be?"
The first lady thinks for a minute and says, "Moutain Dew, because he can mount and do me anytime."
The second lady thinks for awhile and finally says, "7-Up, because he has seven inches and can always get it up."
The third lady thinks for a long time and finally says, "Jack Daniels."
The other ladies look at her with a confused look and say, "Wait a minute, Jack Daniels is a hard liquor."
The third lady says, "Yep, thats my Larry!"

Three ladies are sitting in a bar. All of them have husbands named Larry. One lady asks, "If you could name your husband after any soda pop, what would it be?"The first lady thinks for a minute and says, "Moutain Dew, because he can mount and do me anytime."The second lady thinks for awhile and finally says, "7-Up, because he has seven inches and can always get it up."The third lady thinks for a long time and finally says, "Jack Daniels."The other ladies look at her with a confused look and say, "Wait a minute, Jack Daniels is a hard liquor."The third lady says, "Yep, thats my Larry!"