Lonely Jokes / Recent Jokes
I was very lonely when I was a child. I only had two imaginary friends... And they would only play with each other.
A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what hisfuture holds.His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet abeautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."The frog is thrilled, "This is great!"Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks."No," says the psychic, "in biology class."
So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?
Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
I see the wheel is spinning, but the hamster looks dead.
If you had another brain, it would be lonely.
One time there was an army camp in India that just received a new commander. During the new commanders first inspection everything checked out except one thing. There was a camel tied to a tree on the edge of the camp. The commander asked what it was for, one of the soldiers who had been stationed there for a while explained to him that the men sometimes get lonely since there where no woman there so they have the camel. The commander just let that go, but after a few weeks he was feeling very lonely so he ordered the men to bring the camel into his tent. The men did, and he went to work on it. After about an hour the commander came out zipped up his pants and said, "So is that how the other men do it?" One of the men responded, "No we usually just use the camel to ride into town."
Q: What did the lonely banana say?
A: I`m a"kela".
Q: What did the green peas say?
A: Nothing. They just "mutter"Ed.
Q: What did the potato say when it answered the phone?
A: "Aaloo? "
Q: Where do cauliflowers hang out?
A: In the Gobi desert.
Q: What did the flower say to its girl-friend?
A: Why do " phools" fall in love?
Q: What did the fat car say?
A: I`m a "mota"car.
Q: What did the confused egg say?
A: I don`t "unda"-stand.
Q: What do shrimps sing on Christmas?
A: "Jhinga" Bells.
Q: What did the half eaten naan say?
A: I wish I was "puri".
Q: What did the lonely potato sing?
A: "Aaloo lonesome tonight?"
Q: What language do carrots speak?
A: Gajar-ati.
Q: What do you call an almost bald poet?
A: more...
There is a ship that goes out to sea and crashes. 6 people (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to a deserted island. After spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to get really lonely, sexually deprived lonely. So they come to this agreement: each man will marry the one woman for a week. So the first man has her for one week, then the second man has her for the second week, and on. Everyone will now be getting sex and they all agree to it. This goes on for five years and everyone is happy. Each man gets sex every fifth week and the woman gets to have sex whenever she wants with a different man each week. Well, a few weeks into the fifth year, the woman dies!!! The first week is pretty bad, the second week is still pretty bad, the third week it's getting worse, the fourth week things are just bad, really bad, the fifth week it is just awful, it's getting so bad, so on the sixth week... They bury her.