Lonely Jokes / Recent Jokes

Did you hear about the monster who sent his picture to a lonely hearts club? They sent it back saying they werent that lonely!

A nun was walking along a lonely path when a man jumped out from
behind some bushes, grabbed her, and had his way with her. After he
was done, he said, "Well, sister, now that I have had my way with
you, what will you tell your God?"
"I will say"; replied the nun, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
I was walking along a lonely path, when a man jumped out from behind
some bushes, grabbed me and had his way with me, twice..."
"That is,"; said the nun, looking at him, "if you are not too tired..?"

A lonely frog, desparate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store.
His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?"
"No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."

Sophie and Shirley, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building -- a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself. Shirley says," Sophie, you know I'm shy. Why don't you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him. He looks so lonely." Sophie agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and says, "Excuse me, mister. I hope I'm not prying, but my friend and I were wondering why you looked so lonely." "Of course I'm lonely, he says, "I've spent the past 20 years in prison." "You're kidding! What for?" "For killing my third wife. I strangled her." "What happened to your second wife?" "I shot her." "And, if I may ask, your first wife?" "We had a fight and she fell off a building." "Oh my," says Sophie. Then turning to her friend on the other side of the pool, she yells, "Yoo hoo, more...

> Eleanor Rigby
> Sits at the keyboard
> And waits for a line on the screen
> Lives in a dream
> Waits for a signal
> Finding some code
> That will make the machine do some more.
> What is it for?
>
> All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
> All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
> Guru MacKenzie
> Typing the lines of a program that no one will run;
> Isn't it fun?
> Look at him working,
> Munching some chips as he waits for the code to compile;
>
> It takes a while...
> All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
> All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
> Eleanor Rigby
> Crashes the system and loses 6 hours of work;
> Feels like a jerk.
> Guru MacKenzie
> Wiping the crumbs off the keys as he types in the code;
> Nothing will load.
> All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
> All the lonely users, why does more...

Q: What did the lonely banana say?
A: I'm a'kela".
Q: What did the green peas say?
A: Nothing. They just "mutter'ed.
Q: What did the potato say when it answered the phone?
A: "Aaloo?"
Q: Where do cauliflowers hang out?
A: In the Gobi desert.
Q: What did the flower say to its girl-friend?
A: Why do phools fall in love?
Q: What did the fat car say?
A: I'm a mota car.
Q: What did the confused egg say?
A: I don't unda-stand.
Q: Where do earrings go on holiday?
A: Bali
Q: What do shrimps sing on Christmas?
A: Jhinga Bells.
Q: What did the half eaten naan say?
A: I wish I was puri.
Q: What did the lonely potato sing?
A: "Aaloo lonesome tonight?"
Q: What language do carrots speak?
A: Gajar-ati.
Q: What do you call a bald poet?
A: Ik-bal.
Dis da funkiest...
Q: What did the first pizza slice say to the other pizza slice so more...

Did you hear about the monster who sent his picture to a lonely hearts club? They sent it back saying they weren't that lonely!