Lunchtime Jokes

A man took his young son to the bank with him to transact some business. Since it was lunchtime, there were a lot of people waiting their turn in the cattle chutes. They took their place in line directly behind a woman who was the epitome of corporate fashion.
She was wearing a designer executive business suit, and carrying an expensive leather brief case with a matching shoulder bag that had a pager clipped to it.
After several minutes in line, the boy remarked "Dad, that woman has the biggest thighs I have ever seen"
"Sshh. You shouldn't talk about people like that. You will hurt their feelings."
After several more minutes, the boy again remarked 'Dad, that woman has the biggest butt I have ever seen'
"I said not to talk about people like that. Just be quiet and it will be our turn shortly."
Just as he finished speaking, the woman's pager went off. beep .. beep .. beep .. beep
"LOOK OUT DAD, SHE'S BACKING UP!!!"

Thing to keep you occupied at the office while you avoid work!
ONE-POINT DARES
1. Run one lap around the office at top speed
2. Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other' non-player' must be in the toilet at the time).
3. Ignore the first five people who say' good morning' to you.
4. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
5. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your head.
6. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"
7. Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
8. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
9. While riding in a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
THREE-POINTS DARES
1. Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with more...

Teacher: We are going to have a spelling competition this afternoon. Anyone who can spell a word
correctly can go home early. We'll start with Mary. What did you do at lunchtime?
Mary: I played in the sand-pit.
Teacher: Mary, can you spell "pit?"
Mary: P... I... T?
Teacher: Very good, you may go. Now Tommy, what did you you do at lunch?
Tommy: I was playing with my toy car.
Teacher: Tommy, can you spell "car?"
Tommy: C... A... R.
Teacher: Very good, you may go. Now Johnny, why are you crying?
Johnny: (sniff)' Cause Tommy and Mary wouldn't play with me at lunchtime, just' cause I'm black
(sniff).
Teacher: My my. That's racial prejudice. Johnny, can you spell "racial prejudice?"

Scene - A grade one classroom on a warm summer
afternoon.
Teacher: We are going to have a spelling
competition this afternoon. Anyone who can spell a
word correctly can go home early. We'll start with
Mary. What did you do at lunchtime?
Mary: I played in the sand-pit.
Teacher: Mary, can you spell "pit?"
Mary: P... I... T?
Teacher: Very good, you may go. Now Tommy, what
did you you do at lunch?
Tommy: I was playing with my toy car.
Teacher: Tommy, can you spell "car?"
Tommy: C . . A . . R
Teacher: Very good, you may go. Now Johnny, why
are you crying?
Johnny: (sniff) 'Cause Tommy and Mary wouldn't
play with me at lunchtime, just 'cause I'm black
(sniff).
Teacher: My my. That's racial prejudice. Johnny,
can you spell "racial prejudice?"

The year is 1976 and I am 11 years old. The place is my old neighborhood in The Bronx (pronounced “Da Bronx”) and it is during a lunchtime break from the torture known as sixth grade. My pal James and I managed to sneak in through a service door to a local high-rise apartment complex with the hope of meeting its most famous tenant, baseball great Willie Mays.

This was not an original idea, as every boy in our school tried to do the same. No one ever got to see Willie in person, but James and I seemed to get closer than most (we made it to the door of his penthouse apartment, but we were informed by a woman on the other side of that door that our intended target was not home).

As luck would have it, a fellow classmate named Philip lived in that same apartment complex. So James and I rode the elevator down to his floor with the hope of catching him at home (and perhaps snagging some goodies from his pantry – it was lunchtime, after all). Admittedly, it was not more...