Madame Jokes / Recent Jokes
When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire from public life, the American ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honour.
At the dinner table, the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame de Gaulle.
"Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and international scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What do you most look forward to in these retirement years?"
"A penis," replied Madame de Gaulle.
A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer, and no one knew what to say next.
Le Grand Charles leaned to his wife and said, "Ma cherie, I believe zee Americans pronounce zat word 'appiness."
When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor.
At the dinner table the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame deGaulle.
"Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and International scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?"
"A penis," replied Madame deGaulle.
A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer... and no one knew what to say next.
Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said, "Ma cherie, I believe ze English pronounce zat word, 'appiness!'"
A long time patron of a local bawdy shows up at the door, greets the Madame asks for Louise. "Louise is on vacation" the Madame what about some other one of my lovely girls. No thank you. This offering a substitute and refusal goes on for several minutes with no success.
Finally the Madame asks, tell me what does Louise have that the other girls do not " patience explains the customer sighing patience."
For months, Mrs. Pitzel had been nagging her husband to go with her to the seance parlor of Madame Freda. "Milty, she's a real gypsy, and she brings the voices of the dead from the other world. We all talk to them! Last week, I talked with my mother, may she rest in peace. Milty, for twenty dollars you can talk to your zayde (grandfather) who you misses so much!"Milton Pitzel could not resist her appeal. At the very next seance at Madam Freda's Seance Parlor, Milty sat under the colored light at the green table, holding hands with the person on each side. All were humming, "Oooom, oooom, tonka tooom." Madame Freda, her eyes lost in trance, was making passes over a crystal ball. "My medium... Vashtri," she called. "Come in. Who is that with you? Who? Mr. Pitzel? Milton Pitzel's Zayde?" Milty swallowed the lump in his throat and called, "Grampa? Zayde?" "Ah, Milteleh?" a thin voice quavered." Yes! Yes!" cried Milty. more...
A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in
Las Vegas and decided to check out the local
brothels.
When he got to the first one, he asked the
madame, "Is this a union house?"
"No, I'm sorry, it isn't," said the madame.
"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls
get?" he asked.
"The house gets $80 and the girl gets $20."
Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the
man stomped off down the street in search of a
more equitable shop.
At the second one, he asked the madame, "Is this
a union house?"
"No, I'm sorry, it isn't," said the madame.
"If I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
he asked again.
"The house gets $80 and the girl gets $20."
Again offended, the man stomped off down the
street in search of a more equitable shop.
His search continued until he finally reached a
brothel where more...
La maitresse demande aux eleves de sa classe de CE1 ce qu'ils veulent faire comme metier lorsqu'ils seront grand:
"Moi je veut etre pompier madame!" reponds Jerome.
"C'est bien Jerome....et toi Mickael?"
"Moi je veux etre policier madame!"
"Ah!...Et toi Marjory?"
"Moi je veux etre maitresse comme vous maitresse!"
"C'est bien Marjory, c'est un tres joli metier..."
Puis elle se tourne vers Toto, au dernier rang, The Le Cancre de la classe:
"Et toi Toto?"
"Moi je veux etre grand rocker maitresse!"
"Ah...Et c'est quoi 'grand rocker' Toto?"
"Grand rocker, c'est le blouson en cuir, la moto, les salopes..." et PAFFFFF!!! Toto se ramasse une grande claque dans la gueule et se met a pleurer... A la fin de la journee, Toto rentre chez lui et raconte toute l'histoire a ses parents: "....et je lui ai dit que je voulait etre grand rocker et elle m'a more...