Madame Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy is horny a hell - but broke. He goes to a whorehouse with $5. 00, and begs the Madame to give him whatever she can for it. She says "I'm sorry, but that will only cover the rent for ten minutes, and none of my hookers work for free!" The guy gets the room, but has nothing to fuck. He looks out on the ledge of the building and sees a pigeon. Quietly, he opens the window, grabs the poor bird and just fucks the living shit out of it. Satisfied, he goes home.
Next week, he returns to the whorehouse, with his pay cheque. He says to the Madame, "I got lots of money now... give me a hooker!". The Madame replies "All of them are busy now, why don't you go to the peep show and get yourself in the mood?". The guy does, and is enjoying the show, when he turns to the guy next to him and says, "Hey, these chicks really know what they're doing huh?", The guy responds, "Yeah, but you should have been here last week, there was this guy fucking a more...

For months, Mrs. Chen had been nagging her husband to go
with her to the seance parlor of
Madame Roza. "Li, she's a real gypsy, and she brings the voices
of the dead from the other
world. We all talk to them! Last week I talked with my mother,
may she rest in peace. Li,
for twenty dollars you can talk to your grandpa Shin who you
miss so much!"
Li Chen could not resist her appeal. At the very next seance at
Madam Roza's Seance Parlor,
Li sat under the colored light at the green table, holding hands
with the person on each
side. All were humming, "Oooom, oooom, tonka tooom."
Madame Roza, her eyes lost in trance, was making passes over a
crystal ball. "My
medium... Vashtri," she called. "Come in. Who is that with you?
Who? Mr. Chen? Li Chen's
gandpa Shin?"
Li swallowed the lump in his throad and called, "Grampa? Shin?"
"Ah, Li?" a more...

A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.
When he got to the first one, he asked the madame, "Is this a union house?" "No, I'm sorry it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20."
Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable shop.
His search continued as long as you want to draw things out, until finally he reached a brothel where the madame said, "Why yes, this is a union house."
"And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."
"That's more like it!" the man said. He looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive redhead. "I'd like her for the night."
"I'm sure you would, sir," said the madame,... more...

Madame Tussauds wax museum has just opened its doors in Washington DC.

According to their press release -- "the attraction will give visitors an interactive, full-sensory experience; they will be able to touch, see and hear celebrities in a way unlike any other Washington D.C. attraction."

Senator Larry Craig said he can't wait to get his statue erected.

A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided
to check out the local brothels.
When he got to the first one, he asked the madame, "Is this
a union house?"
"No, I'm sorry it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20."
Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped
off down the street in search of a more equitable shop.
His search continued as long as you want to draw things out,
until finally he reached a brothel where the madame said, "Why yes,
this is a union house."
"And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."
"That's more like it!" the man said. He looked around the
room and pointed to a stunningly attractive redhead. "I'd like her
for the night."
"I'm sure you would, more...