Matching Jokes / Recent Jokes

1) There would be a "Rehearsal Dinner Kegger" until the cops showed up.
2) Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and halter tops.
3) They would have NO tan lines and more skin showing than not..
4) Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have matching team colors.
5) June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs.
6) Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically, but omit that "forsaking all others" part.
7) The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped-up ‘73 Charger or some other Mopar with racing tires and flame designs on the side of the car. Better yet, a Harley!
8) Idiots who tried to dance with the bride (unless they were really old) would get punched in the head.
9) Big, slobbery dogs would be eligible for the role of "Best Man."
10) There would be "Tailgate Receptions."
11) Outdoor weddings would be held during sporting events at more...

"Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green every week for the last month".

The Priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's."

Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months."

This time the priest asks, "My son, who is "Nookie Green?"

"A new woman in the neighborhood," the sinner replies.

"Very well," says the priest. "Go and say 10 Hail Mary's and stop your sinning."

The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when, suddenly, a gorgeous, tall woman enters. All the men's eyes fall upon her, as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down right in front of the priest.

Her dress is green and very short, with more...

A Texas millionaire had fallen ill. The doctors consulted did not seem to understand what ailed him. The millionaire let it be known that any doctor who could heal him could have whatever he desired.
A country doctor was finally able to cure him, and as the doctor was leaving after a week's stay, the Texan said, "Doc! I am a man of my word. You name it, and if it is humanly possible I'll get it for you."
"Well," said the doctor, "I love to play golf, so if I could have a matching set of golf clubs, that would be fine." With that the physician left.
The doctor didn't hear from the Texan millionaire for some months. Then, one day, he got a phone call from the millionaire.
"Doc, I bet you thought that I had gone back on my word. I have your matching set of golf clubs. The reason it took so long is that two of them didn't have swimming pools, and I didn't think they were good enough for ya. So I had pools installed and they're all more...

In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase and wear his first kilt.

A couple of weeks before his important birthday, a young lad went to a tailor shop and found the material he wanted for his first kilt. He took the material to the tailor and said, "I'd like ye to make me a kilt with this material here and, if ye don't mind, I'd like ye to make me a pair of matching underwear for it. I hear it gets a might drafty up dem tings!"

So the tailor took the material and promised to call the young lad when the order was completed. A few days later the tailor called the lad back to the shop.

"Here's ye kilt, and here's ye matching underwear, and here's five yards of the material left over. Ye might want to take it home and keep it in case you want anything else made of it."

So the lad rushed home with his order, threw the material in his room, and donned his more...

Are You A Steamer?
Steamer - A person, normally female and also normally of 45+ years, who refusing to accept her age makes desperate attempts to appear 20+ years younger.
Take this questionnaire to find out if you are a steamer:
Your wardrobe consists mainly of:
tailored suits and silk blouses - you spend most of your time at the office
sweats, jeans and t-shirts - designed for your active lifestyle
spandex pants in neon colors, halter tops and mini-skirts which you share with your 14 year-old daughter.
Your hair is:
exquisitely highlighted by one of the finer salons in your city
your natural color
the palest white blonde you can get from a bottle.
Your favourite place to buy clothing:
Saks, Holt-Renforth - only the finest quality will do
K-Mart, Walmart - you'd rather spend your hard-earned money on more important things
Contempo Casual, Suzies or wherever it is your teenaged daughter and her friends shop.
Your complexion more...