Mike Jokes / Recent Jokes

It seems that Pat, who was 88 had been feelin` poorly for the past few months. One day his son Seamus convinced him to go see the doctor. After a complete exam, the doctor brought Pat and Seamus into his office. "I`ve got bad news for Pat, your heart`s near given out and you`ve only two months to live." Pat was stunned but after a few minutes he turns to his son and says,"I`ve had a good long life and if the Lord wants me then I`ve no complaints." "Let`s be off to the Pub where I`m after havin` a pint with me friends." Arriving at the pub a few of his cronies spy Pat "Ah Patty how are you feelin` today", says one. "Not good Mike, I`ve been to the doctors and he says I`ve two months to live." "What a shame," says Mike, "and what`s ailin ya"? "The doctor says I have the aids." After a few moments Seamus gets his irish father alone and says, "Da, it`s not aids that ya have, it`s a heart condition." more...

Tim Shandy stepped into the Warm Spoon, a popular Galway tavern.To Mike Callahan, the barkeep, Shandy said "Mike, I'll be havin'three whiskeys."Callahan set up three glasses and began to pour. "Now, Timothy, it's not the usual thing for you to ask for three whiskeys. It'scelebratin', you are."Ahh, ye know me too well, Micheal, ye do. Truth, and I'm celebratingme first blow job."Callahan smiled benevolently and set a fourth glass on the bar."Now, that's special," he said. "For an old customer like y'rself, here's a fourth on the house, so I may be sharin' your celebrationwith you."Shandy shook his head, and replied "'Tis verra kind of ye, Micheal, but I'm thinkin' if three won't get rid of the taste, four won'teither."

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you.

Brothers Mike and Seamus O'Malley were the two richest men in town, and complete shites both of' em. They swindled the Church out of its property, foreclosed on the orphanage and cheated widows out of their last mite. And that was just for starters.

Finally Seamus up and dies, and Mike pays a visit to the priest.
"Father," he says, "my good name will be upheld in this town. You'll be givin' the eulogy for me brother, and in that eulogy you are going to say "Seamus O'Malley was truly a saint."

"I won't do such a thing. T'would be a lie!"

"I know you will," says Mike. "I hold the mortgage on the parish school, and if you don't say those words, I'll foreclose."

The priest is over a barrel. "And if I pledge to say those words, then you'll sign the note over free and clear?" "Done," cackles Mike, and he signs over the note.

Next morning at the funeral, the more...

A guy rings neighbor's doorbell & a lovely blonde woman answers the door.
"Is Ed here?" he asks.
"Yes, but he's in the shower," she says.
"I really need to see him but I am in quite a rush, and I can only wait a couple of minutes," he says. As he waits, he continues, "being your neighbor, it might be wrong of me to say so, but my dear... you have the loveliest rack. I've got $100 if you'll show me."
"Oh Mike, that is so wrong. On the other hand, we sure could use the money," she says as she pulls up her top.
"Wow! That was worth every cent, but beyond that you also have the cutest ass I've ever seen. I'll give you another $100 to show me the rest of your stuff."
"Oh Mike, that's awful but Ed's in the shower so he won't know and another $100 really would help around here," she says, dropping her shorts.
"Well I gotta go. Tell Ed I stopped by, OK?" Mike leaves, and a few minutes more...

Q: What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson after the fight?
A: No stupid an Eye for an Eye!!!
Tyson's psychologist told Mike to take a year off, he obviously misunderstood....good thing he didn't say two!
Tyson's favorite football team-the Tampa Bay Buc-an-EARS.
For the third fight between Mike and Evander, Tyson wants it to be held in Earie, PA.
New Tyson burger: There is a piece of the champ in every bite!!!
They are making a new boxing term for Tyson....instead of KO, it will be a Van Gogh. "Evander was Van Gogh'd in the third!!!"
Can't beat um...Eat um!!!
If Tyson fights Golatta, is it more points for a low blow or an ear bite?
In this corner Evander "the Real Meal" Holyfield!!!
Before the fight, Mike's trainer told him to get a piece of Holyfied. Oops, bad advice.
Iron BITE Tyson, the heavyweight CHOMP of the world!

Q: What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson after the fight? A: No stupid an Eye for an Eye!!! Tyson's psychologist told Mike to take a year off, he obviously misunderstood....good thing he didn't say two! Tyson's favorite football team-the Tampa Bay Buc-an-EARS. For the third fight between Mike and Evander, Tyson wants it to be held in Earie, PA.New Tyson burger: There is a piece of the champ in every bite!!! They are making a new boxing term for Tyson....instead of KO, it will be a Van Gogh. "Evander was Van Gogh'd in the third!!!"Can't beat um...Eat um!!! If Tyson fights Golatta, is it more points for a low blow or an ear bite? In this corner Evander "the Real Meal" Holyfield!!! Before the fight, Mike's trainer told him to get a piece of Holyfied. Oops, bad advice.Iron BITE Tyson, the heavyweight CHOMP of the world!