Mix Jokes / Recent Jokes
Martha Stewart vs Me...
Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time.
My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.
Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes.
My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling.
My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway?
Martha's more...
The Good Housekeeping Way #1
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice-cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.
The Real Women's Way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for God's sake. You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway
The Good Housekeeping Way #2
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
The Real Women's Way:
Buy Deb mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
The Good Housekeeping Way #3
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking tin, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake
The Real Women's Way:
The Cheese Cake Shop sell cakes. They even do decorated versions.
The Good Housekeeping Way #4
If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a potato slice.
The Real Women's Way:
If you over more...
141. Q: Why did the blonde chick drown in the pool?
A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
142. Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
A: Too many blondes were drowning.
143. Q: Why do blonds have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
144. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1:
10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2: Three... one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
145. Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
146. Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
147. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
148. Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets more...
141. Q: Why did the blonde chick drown in the pool? A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool. 142. Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU? A: Too many blondes were drowning. 143. Q: Why do blonds have square boobs? A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box. 144. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies? A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties. A2: Three... one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit. 145. Q: Why don't blondes double recipes? A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees. 146. Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? A: Proofreading. 147. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? A: For throwing out the W's. 148. Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook? A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece. 149. Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping? A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard. 150. Q: Why more...
Martha Stewart vs Me... Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway. Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time. My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag. Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes. My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year. Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling. My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway? Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room more...
Q: What do you get when you mix a rooster with a telephone pole? A: A 30ft cock that wants to reach out and touch someone
A Thanksgiving Cookbookby Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten ClassNOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be reponsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook. Ivette - Banana PieYou buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and put them in the pie. Then you eat it. Russell - TurkeyYou cut the turkey up and put it in the oven for ten minutes and 300 degrees. You put gravy on it and eat it. Geremy - TurkeyYou buy the turkey and take the paper off. Then you put it in the refrigerator and take it back out and cut it with a knife and make sure all the wires are out and take out the neck and heart. Then you put it in a big pan and cook it for half an hour at 80 degrees. Then you invite people over and eat. Andrew - PizzaBuy some dough, some cheese and pepperoni. Then you cook it for 10 hours at 5 degrees. Then you eat it. Shelby - ApplesauceGo to the store and buy some apples, and then you squish them up. Then you put them in a jar that says, "Applesauce". Then you eat it. more...