Mix Jokes / Recent Jokes
This is a REAL recipe for a rather tasty, but disgusting looking cake.
Ingredients:
1 18. 5-ounce package spice cake mix
1 18. 5-ounce package white cake mix
2 4-serving packages instant vanilla pudding mix
1 12-ounce box vanilla wafer cookies, crushed
6 to 10 Tootsie Rolls
Confectioner's sugar
1 brand-new kitty litter pan
1 brand-new plastic pooper scooper
Green food coloring
Plastic flies (optional)
Prepare the cakes and pudding according to package directions. Crumble the baked cake into the kitty litter pan, then add the pudding and mix. Add a few drops of green food coloring to 1 cup of the cookie crumbs and set aside; mix the rest into the pan. Soften the Tootsie Rolls by placing in the micro- wave for 10 seconds on high and shape to resemble cat droppings. Arrange the Tootsie Rolls on top of the cookie-pudding more...
A Thanksgiving Cookbook
by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class
NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be reponsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook.
Ivette - Banana Pie
You buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and put them in the pie. Then you eat it.
Russell - Turkey
You cut the turkey up and put it in the oven for ten minutes and 300 degrees. You put gravy on it and eat it.
Geremy - Turkey
You buy the turkey and take the paper off. Then you put it in the refrigerator and take it back out and cut it with a knife and make sure all the wires are out and take out the neck and heart. Then you put it in a big pan and cook it for half an hour at 80 degrees. Then you invite people over and eat.
Andrew - Pizza
Buy some dough, some cheese and pepperoni. Then you cook it for 10 hours at 5 degrees. Then you eat it.
Shelby - Applesauce
Go to the store and buy some apples, and then you squish them up. Then you put more...
Q. Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A. Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Q. What's a blonde's favorite wine?
A. "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"
Q. What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A. A wine cellar.
Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A. Frosted Flakes.
Q. How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on her.
Q. How did the blonde burn her nose?
A. Bobbing for french fries.
Q. How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1. 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2. Three... one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
A3. Two... one to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms.
Q. Why don't blondes double recipes?
A. The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Q. Why don't blondes breast feed?
A. Because they always burn their nipples.
Q. Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A. Because they can't more...
Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties. A2: Three.. . one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit. A3: Two.. . one to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms.
1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The
solvent dissolves the adhesive.
2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray
bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set 5 minutes and wash clean. The
alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.
3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth
dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills
germs.
4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your
safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects
the blade and prevents rusting.
5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, then blot dry.
6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse
the skin and tighten pores.
7. Add a splash of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol
cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from more...