Mood Jokes / Recent Jokes

Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?
Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.

One day, a genie was in a remarkably good mood, so he decided to go around the world, granting people their fondest wishes.First, he came to London, where he saw a very sad-looking Englishman. He said to the man, "I am a genie. Tell me what you want most, and I will grant it to you."The Englishman said, "My cousin Nigel has the most beautiful mansion you ever saw, but I don't even have a house at all. It's not fair! I'm just as good as he is! Why should HE have such a beautiful house and not me? Well, I want you to give me a house even bigger than Nigel's."The genie snapped his fingers, and the house appeared magically. The Englishman was delighted.Next, the genie went to Paris, where he saw a sad Frenchman. The genie asked the Frenchman what he wanted most. The Frenchman said, "My cousin Pierre has the most beautiful wife you ever saw, but I don't have a wife at all. It's not fair!
Why should HE have a beautiful wife and not me? I want you to give me a more...

A guy found himself in the mood around bedtime. He began cuddling up to his wife who was clearly not interested. He asked her what the problem was.
She complained that he was totally unresponsive to her needs. In typical male fashion, he protested, then asked what she meant.
She replied, "For example, I'm in the mood for snails right now."
"You've got to be kidding. It's 11 PM: where the hell am I going to get escargot at this hour?!" he protested.
"If you don't care enough to get me snails, you ain't getting any." We next find our disgruntled husband an the local 24 hour supermarket, buying a box of live snails. On the way home, as luck would have it, he stopped to help a lovely young thing with a flat tire; and that's about all that was flat.
After a few drinks at a local watering hole, he found himself in her bed, doing what he originally had proposed to his wife. Our wayward husband was shocked when he woke at 8 AM. He raced home, more...

An American, wearing Bermuda shorts, T-shirt, and a baseball cap, walks into a caf

An American, wearing Bermuda shorts, T-shirt, and a baseball cap, walks into a caf

Guess the following movie quotes. All movies were released between the years 1980 and 1989. Comedies, dramas, action, etc. Some are quite simple, and others are more difficult.

There are 37 items, followed by the answers at the bottom, so you may wish to save reading this for a less hectic portion of your day.

1) Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

2) We're on a mission from God.

3) People on' ludes should not drive.

4) This house is clean.

5) Shall we play a game?

6) Terrific!! I've got a trig mid-term tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp.

7) Back off man, I'm a scientist.

8) That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call them something else.

9) I know a little German. He's sitting over there.

10) Can I borrow your towel, my car just hit a water buffalo.

11) Excuse me, Dick, I mean Rich, will milk be more...

A couple of days before Christmas, a business man was anxious to get home from a business trip.

The trip had been exhausting and he was not in a good mood. The airport loudspeakers blared Christmas carols he was sick of hearing. He thought their decorations were tacky. The worst decoration, he thought, was the plastic mistletoe hung over the luggage scale.

Being in a bad mood, he said to the woman at the counter, "You know, even if I were not married, I would not kiss you."

"That's not what it's there for," said the attendant. "It's so you can kiss your luggage goodbye."