Morals Jokes / Recent Jokes

A head rolls into a bar.
It says to the guy sitting at the bar, "Hey bud, can you put me up on the bar?"
So the guy picks the head up and puts it on the bar. The head says to the bartender, "Gimme a beer with a straw in it!"
So the bartender gives the head the drink and the head drinks it down. Suddenly he grows two arms.
The head says, "Wow! This beer works magic, gimme another!"
So the bartender gives him another drink, he drinks it down and grows two legs, and he says "Holy cow! now I have a full body!! Gimme another!"
The bartender complies, he drinks it, and explodes!
The moral of the story: Quit while your ahead.

A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioned in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?" Not one hand went up. .. so she took them home and ate them. Two lessons here: 1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are. 2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think

One day the different parts of the body were having an argument to see which should be in charge..
The brain said "I do all the thinking so I'm the most important and I should be in charge."
The eyes said "I see everything and let the rest of you know where we are, so I'm the most important and I should be in charge."
The hands said "Without me we wouldn't be able to pick anything up or move anything.. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."
The stomach said "I turn the food we eat into energy for the rest of you. Without me, we'd starve. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."
The legs said "Without me we wouldn't be able to move anywhere. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."
Then the rectum said "I think I should be in charge."
All the rest of the parts said "YOU?!? You don't do anything! You're not important! You can't be in more...

Once upon a time there was a little boy who lived in a house that had train tracks running behind it. The boy's father always warned him against playing around the train tracks, but boys will be boys so he often played around the tracks despite the warnings from his father.
One day, after playing by the tracks all afternoon, the tired and sat down on the tracks to rest. Before he knew it, a train came by, ran over his ass, and cut part of it off.
When the boy's father came home and discovered what had happened, he told the boy that not only would he have to go through the rest of his life missing part of his ass, that he was greatly disappointed in him for not heeding his warnings.
That night, unable to sleep, the boy laid in bed pondering about going through the rest of his life half ass and how disappointed his father was at him. Suddenly he had an idea. He went out to the tracks and began searching for the lost part of his ass. If only he can find it, he thought, I more...

A cat and a rooster are walking down the street and come to this huge puddle...
Rooster: I bet you couldn't jump over that puddle if your life depended on it!
Cat: Oh yeah? I could do it on my worst day.
* The cat takes a huge run and lands in the middle of the puddle... the rooster laughs his head off *
What's the moral of this story you ask? For every wet pussy there's a happy cock.

Did you ever wonder about how morals interact with geography? For example, in
New York City, you might find a ham 'n egg joint that has a bookie's office in
the back. In Tel Aviv, it's a bookie's office with a ham 'n egg joint in the
back.
FROM: Brian G. Gordon, CAE Systems Division of Tektronix, Inc.

Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.