Motor Jokes / Recent Jokes

What if people bought cars like they buy
Computers?
The car companies don't have help lines
for people who don't know how to drive,
because people don't buy cars like they
buy computers, imagine if they did...
Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help
you?
Customer: I got in my car and closed the door and
nothing happened!
Helpline: Did you put the key in the ignition slot
and turn it?
Customer: What's an ignition?
Helpline: It's a starter motor that draws current
from your battery and turns over the engine.
Customer: Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How
come I have to know all these technical terms to
use my car.
Helpline: Toyota Helpline, how can I help you?
Customer: My car ran fine for a week and now it
won't go anywhere!
Helpline: Is the gas tank empty?
Customer: Huh? How do I know?
Helpline: There's a little gauge on the front
panel with a needle and markings of 'E' and more...

A blonde goes to the local restaurant, buys a small drink for herself, and sits down to drink it. She notices a peel-off prize sticker on the side of her cup while she is drinking. After pulling off the tab, she begins screaming, “I won a motor home! I won a motor home! ”
The waitress runs over and argues, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize given away was a stero system! ”
The blonde replies, “No. I won a motor home! ”
By this time, the manager makes his way over to the table, and he too argues, “You couldn’t possibly have won a motor home because we didn’t have that as one of our prizes. ”
Again the blonde says, “There is no mistake! I won a motor home! ”
The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, “WIN A BAGEL. ”

Do you qualify to be a redneck? Find out below!
* You might be a redneck if your toilet paper has page numbers on it!
* You might be a redneck if you're considered an expert on worm beds!
* You might be a redneck if you recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck!
* You might be a redneck if you sell your car for gas money.
* You might be a redneck if your wife wears the same underwear as you do.
* You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard!
* You might be a redneck if there has ever been a crime scene tape across your bathroom door!
* You might be a redneck if you believe books are bad luck!
* You might be a redneck if rather than drinking the sacramental wine at church you bring your own!
* You might be a redneck if the most common phrase in your house is, "Someone go jiggle the handle."
* You might be a redneck if one of your kids was born on a pool table!
* You more...

YOU MUST OF BEEN BORN ON THE MOTOR WAY BECUASE THATS WHERE MOST ACCIDENTS HAPPEN!!!

Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. It is illegal to skateboard without a license. You may not fart in a public place after 6 P. M. on Thursdays. It is considered an offense to shower naked. You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers. You may not kiss your wife`s breasts. Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging. It is illegal to block any traveled wagon road. Big Pine Key It is illegal to molest a Key deer. If caught one will be fined or will have to go to jail. more...

It was the stir of the town when an 80 year old man married a 20 year old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying, "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"
He answered, " You've got to keep that old motor running."

The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said, "You really are amazing. How do you do it?"
He again said, "You've got to keep the old motor running."

The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, "You must be quite a man."
He responded, "You've got to keep that old motor running."

The nurse then said, "Well, you had better change the oil.
This one's black!"

General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy/use cars like they buy/use computers -- but imagine if they did. . .
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"
HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"
HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."
CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"
-----------------------------------------
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"
CUSTOMER: "Huh? more...