Notes Jokes / Recent Jokes

A doctor is to give a speech at the local AMA dinner. He jots down notes for his speech.
Unfortunately, when he stands in front of his colleagues later that night, he finds that he can't read his notes. So he asks, "Is there a pharmacist in the house?"

A doctor is to give a speech at the local AMA dinner. He jots down notes for his speech.Unfortunately, when he stands in front of his colleagues later that night, he finds that he can't read his notes. So he asks, "Is there a pharmacist in the house?"

Two English crooks paid 1000 for 10000 worth of forged currency. When they checked their purchase they found that the forgeries were unfortunately in 6 and 13 denominations!
Having decided that the only place they would successfully get rid of the dud money would be in Ireland, they jumped onto the boat and made their way to a pub in deepest Co. Kerry.
The barman drew their 2 pints of the black stuff, and one of the crooks nonchalantly asked "Will you accept 6 or 13 sterling notes? I haven't anything smaller?".
The barman cheerfully replied "Ah sure that'll be fine. .. now would you be wanting yer change in 2 or 9 notes?"

From: Efficiency & Ticket, Ltd., Management Consultants
To: Chairman, The London Symphony Orchestra
Re: Schubert`s Symphony No. 8 in B minor.

After attending a rehearsal of this work we make the following observations and recommendations:

1. We note that the twelve first violins were playing identical notes, as were the second violins. Three violins in each section, suitably amplified, would seem to us to be adequate.

2. Much unnecessary labour is involved in the number of demisemiquavers in this work; we suggest that many of these could be rounded up to the nearest semiquaver thus saving practice time for the individual player and rehearsal time for the entire ensemble. The simplification would also permit more use of trainee and less-skilled players with only marginal loss of precision.

3. We could find no productivity value in string passages being repeated by the horns; all tutti repeats could also be eliminated without any more...

Accent: An unusual manner of pronunciation, e. g. "Y`all sang that real good!"

Accidentals: Wrong notes

Ad Libitum: A premiere.

Agitato: A string player`s state of mind when a peg slips in the middle of a piece.

Agnus dei: A famous female church composer.

Allegro: Leg fertilizer.

Altered Chord: A sonority that has been spayed.

Atonality: Disease that many modern composers suffer from. The most prominent symptom is the patient`s lacking ability to make decisions.

Augmented fifth: A 36-ounce bottle.

Bar Line: A gathering of people, usually among which may be found a musician or two.

Beat: What music students to do each other with their musical instruments. The down beat is performed on the top of the head, while the up beat is struck under the chin.

Bravo: Literally, "How bold!" or "What nerve!" This is a spontaneous expression of more...

Q: How many Princeton students does it take to screw in a lightblub?
A: Sigh. The Alumni pay people to do things like that for us.

Note: Princeton has a reputation for being wealthier than the other seven.

Q: How many Princeton students does it take to screw in a lightblub?
A: I don't know, let me call my maid.

Note: Princeton has a reputation for being wealthier than the other seven.

Q: How many Indiana University "notes" users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: All of them, since changing light bulbs is the only kind of job they can get after they graduate.

Note: Not meant to offend students at the Indiana University.

Q: How many Indiana University "notes" users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Have you ever wondered why it's so dark in Bloomington?

Q: How many Japanese industrialists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three--one to make sure the more...

____________________University
To: Professor____________________ From:___________________________
I think my grade in your course, ___________________, should be changed from ______ to _______ for the following reasons:
______1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did.
______2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did.
______3. This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won't get into
______Medical School ______Graduate School
______Dental School ______My Fraternity/Sorority
______The Mickey Mouse Club ______Tri County Tech
______4. I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in _______________.
______5. I'll lose my scholarship.
______6. I'm on a varsity sports team and my tutor couldn't find a copy of your exam.
______7. I didn't come to class and the person whose notes I used did not cover the material asked for on the exam.
______8. I studied the basic principles and more...