Oath Jokes / Recent Jokes

Unfortunately, Roberts botched the adminstering of the oath again and Sotomayor was sworn in as the new judge on American Idol.

A young man who had just recently joined the Marines had lost his rifle on the day before a big inspection by a visiting general. However, being very adept at woodcarving, he set about making a replacement. The paint had just dried when it was time for the inspection. He prayed that his fake would not be inspected too closely.
When his platoon was told to fire in unison, he made all the right motions and figured no one would notice, but the visiting general happened to be looking right at him and saw that no smoke came from the gun.
The general came over and said, "Soldier, you didn't fire your gun. This is an official inspection. You were to fire the gun and then dismantle it for my personal inspection."
The young man was horror stricken but only for a moment and then he replied, "Sir, today is the anniversary of the day that my father died. On his deathbed, he made me promise never to fire a gun on this day. I have kept that oath and I can not fire the more...

An old lady really wanted to visit England, the home of her ancestors, before she died. So she went to the Federal Office and asked for a passport.

"You must take the loyalty oath first," the passport clerk said. "Raise your right hand, please."

The old gal raised her right hand.

"Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?"

The sweet old face paled and the voice trembled as she responded, "Well, I guess so, but.. . will I have help, or will I have to do it all by myself?"

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.
"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

Heard this from a friend:
A middle-class man decides to go off and join a monastery which
requires an oath of silence. No speech is allowed except for
two words every 5 years, to sum up one's experiences to the head
monk.
After the first 5 years, the monk asked him what two words described
his experiences and all he said was "HARD BEDS."
When the next 5 year period came, the monk asked how things were
and he replied "BAD FOOD."
After 5 more years, he walked up to the monk and said, "I QUIT!"
The monk nodded and muttered "Yes, this doesn't surprise me.
You've been doing nothing but complaining for the past 15 years!"